yenti

Jul 08, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

enjoy

Enjoy

Those thoughts and Happy Days
Of flower filled fields and summer haze
Leave me smiling as if I'm dumb
To walk or run there in the sun

On autumn day twixd sun and snow
We kick up leaves as on we go
A freedom we have now just found
Dried leaves, thoughts of rainbow sound

Of days for us in these our years
Gone are the teardrops and the fears
As winter draws near, soon to come
Imagine a snowman, built for someone

Take on this journey you with me
Or maybe both, or just separately
With contacts that change your way
On we go in pure love, then live today

— yenti, Jul 08, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United Kingdom, GBR

Favorite Poets: No exact favourites, but just enjoy the output of all I meet as they tell many stories and are able to see more than I can from my window on the world

Critiques

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Ian,

it's good to see that you're back! I like the concept of this poem, to describe the seasons and fashion them into a symbol for life itself. I have a few suggestions to make it flow better: [ ]parts that could be taken out ( )added or changed something here (Those) Happy thoughts and Happy Days Of flower filled fields and summer haze [It] leave[s] me smiling as if I’m dumb To walk or run there in the sun (On) autumn day(s) twix(t) [the] sun and snow We [will] kick up [the] leaves as on we go A freedom [that] we have now just found Dried leaves and thoughts of rainbow sounds (From our) days for us in our years Gone are the teardrops and the fears As winter (draws near,) soon (to) come [An] imaginary snowm(e)n built for someone (this line is still off) Take on this journey you with me Or [as I say] maybe both separately With contacts that will shake your tum For on we [now] go in love and fun I like the imaginary snowman, it's a great image, but the line is much too long, don't know how to fix it without throwing out your beautiful snowman... Yours, ~Nina

yenti

16 years 11 months ago

Nina

I was being lazy and hadn't really read this one, as I have been very busy the last few weeks I used one of my older poems as you may see by the style. They say when you retire you should have more time, but there is no time, the number of times I have been told that by my friends. I am constructing a series of books along the lines of Grandad and that and other things have been taking over my Neo time. Thank you for your assist in this one I have put some Gaffer tape on it, so I hope it holds together ok, You take great care out there, and more thanks, one day I will rewrite that one or another around that theme, when time permits, Yours Ian.T PS:- forgot to start with Windsors answer to fire breathing creatures La La. NB:- Windsor and Newton are famous for their Ink LOL x

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

wow

Ink Dragon really put alot of thought into this and I agree with her changes. I like the concept of the poem and smiled as I read it. Always, Cat p.s. Changing my vote to five stars on this marvelous piece!

yenti

16 years 11 months ago

Young Feline person

Yes Our little Dragon was correct as usual and if you see my reply to her you will see that I was guilty of being lazy, as I haven't been on site properly for a week or so, I grabbed one and threw it on the site, Even so I am very happy that the theme is ok, I will rewrite it another day time permitting, you take care of you there, and thanks for your read and report, Yours Ian.T

blistered-pen

16 years 11 months ago

..

blistered-pen

16 years 11 months ago

..

at parts I was like "uh.. wha?" but I got the love & the change. I'm still pretty young & my longest relationship was about 4 months.. your poem made me wonder what it would be like to have someone there with you through each season, having snowball fights with, to watch the trees coming back to life with.. all that jazz. to see all that change yet have that one constant in your life (the relationship would probably change too..) oh! I just got it. it's like, when it snows, we lose things but when spring comes around, it's found again.. which reminds me, the guy, the 4 month guy, we had broken up the previous winter.. but we'd gotten back together just when the snow was melting.. strange. it's like we'd suddenly found each other again.. or maybe we just finally felt like looking without all the snow in the way.. kudos, yenti.. look at how long my comment is.. sorry it's not much of a critique or whatever. but I think it says a lot about your poem, making me get all reflective and.. junk. :)

yenti

16 years 11 months ago

Little One

I had a relationship called marriage that lasted for 36 years and that as the Colarado river it ran dry through lack of thought to what it was and how much it needed to reach the sea, as in life you will reach out many times as is the habit in todays woprld, Carry with you the purity of thought and the love of what you do, in all your seasons, and you will be blessed. Never lose sight of who you are, and the inner person you are, always see you when you look in the mirror of life, then your Summer will be long, thanks for your read and comment, Yours Ian.T

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Ian,

here are your stars... Glad to see you have been working on the snowman line. Yours, ~Nina

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Ian … Lovely to see you

Ian ... Lovely to see you back have missed reading you , wont leave a long comment tonight am very tired so I apologise for my slackness lol Love Jayne x

Samaira

16 years 11 months ago

Ian..

I am not good enough to rate the poem, so I leave it to the more qualified ones. But I must say that your writing style touches my heart. It was a pleasure to read the continuation of love through time and seasons. Regards Samaira.