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H
hardcorechick28
Jul 07, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Deacon

 

 

He who haunts the night
Ravishes the darkness
Alive; he rises to greet Mother Moon

 

Broad shoulders
Barrel chest
Midnight’s only son
Takes to the street again

 

Charming prince
Toxic dreamer
Blood stained fangs
Beneath a crooked smile

 

From afar; alone on a corner
He spies another
A potential lover
Whirling, twirling
He sweeps her off her feet
As her bloody smile
Beckons him

— hardcorechick28, Jul 07, 2009
More from this author

Critiques

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years ago

Deacon

He is quite formidable and grand, someone I would like to get to know from the bottom of my black little heart, LOL! I love these lines: He who haunts the night Ravishes the darkness Midnight’s only son Charming prince Toxic dreamer I felt the finish wasn't quite as strong as the beginning. Just a little bit of work on this and it will be a masterpiece! Always, Cat
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hardcorechick28

17 years ago

thank you

thank you for the suggestion...i will definitely work on the ending a little more. Glad you enjoyed it though. He is definitely someone I would get to know....LOL.
Geezer

Geezer

17 years ago

Right about the finish....

Cat is right about the finish, I was expecting a little more, maybe if he drooled a little or something! LOL. Try: Shrouded in mist slender inticing form recognised by instict she silently calls to him Love that name; Deacon! Sounds like a relationship made in Hell! I look forward to hearing more of these two! ~Gee.
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hardcorechick28

17 years ago

thank u

I will definitely work on the ending when I get a free second to put it together!! Glad you enjoyed it though...they are indeed the perfect couple from Hell. I plan on taking everyone through the journey of their life together.
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

17 years ago

I couldn't edit

for some strange reason, the system wouldn't give me the option to edit my first response to change the four stars to a five. So here they are in a separate post. Much better ending! Always, Cat
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hardcorechick28

17 years ago

thank you so much

Cat Thank you so much....glad that you liked the new ending. I always appreciate your constructive criticism. My goal is to put enough poems on here and make them perfect so i can put them in a book. I am thinking of going with Vampire Chronicles or something along those lines :)
Kailashana

Kailashana

17 years ago

Came upon your poem when I

Came upon your poem when I was thirsty...(or was I hungry?) Nicely done, I'd buy your Chronicles...always wanted a Dracula of my own.. ~A "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood." T. S. Eliot

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