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ML
Michael Landau
Jul 09, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The King of Illusion

 He's in his graveThat he dugHe gave up everythingFor the use of a drug  Now they forgive himFor everythingThey praise his nameBecause he could sing For me he was
Not so grandHe was a child man
Lost in never land For me it's been yearsSince he was aliveThe last good thing he didWas with the Jackson Five He sang "stop you better save me"When he was a kidThe saddest thing about itWas that no one ever did

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Ashes4now

16 years 10 months ago

I enjoyed it. kinda sounds

I enjoyed it. kinda sounds like someone I know close.... very poetic and it screams for others to read. Ash D.M.
Nilmini

Nilmini

16 years 10 months ago

It's good Michael

I share the exact feelings about him & I'm glad that I'm not alone. And after a long time I see a poem of yours in the style I like so much. May I make some suggestions? * Can you break this line into two? - For me he was not so grand * I'd prefer inverted commas in this line like this. - He sang "stop you better save me" I feel those changes might make it easier to understand. Apart from the above the Poem, on the whole, is wonderful. Thanks for the read which I enjoyed a lot. Best Regards, Nilmini
M

Michael Landau

16 years 10 months ago

Thank-you Nilmini

I was thinking about breaking the line so that there would be four lines in that stanza. Now that you have suggested it, I will definitely make the change. I will think about the other change as well. Thank-you so much for your input! Best Regards, Michael