PLEAS FOR SEDUCTION

WOW boni ... I think this maybe my favourite of yours now ... theses words sold me the last ... how right they are ... oh and the carpat hanging on the wall of time I just wish I had thought of it first LOL ... Love Jayne x x Metamorph your Karma into loving, hold a new eternity with mine.

This is a wonderful, erotic, pulling poem with at least one matter that could use a twang with the a poetic mallet. The first stanza is good but direction is established by the middle two stanzas. The two middle stanzas I find particularly able to grab through the ribcage to manipulate blood flow: The inevitability that someday you will be mine, hangs like a Karmic rug [this phrase particularly contributes to the stanza] upon the wall of time. It is woven from strands of longing, [good] threads of kisses [great] with gossamer colours of your hair intwined. [entwined] Silky strands of sensuous strokes become a prayer mat [terrific] awaiting unction - [more of the terrific] from a carnal knowledge you alone can define. [good, new twist] Then there is a bit of a "skeeeech": Merge with me in the flesh [a little kitsch, a little old and stereotypical] What really zips up a poem, especially a woman's erotic poem, is if it is more forward than good girls are typically allowed. Just for arguement's sake: "bend, with me below" even better if racier and the allusion is with the female on top. But the forwardness needs to be something erotically seeable but true to you. If you have to go too far out on a limb, you will also do your own limb cutting. I will tell you a secret. The secret is why men like the Madonna/Whore dichotomy in the bedroom (something that not all women are terribly thrilled about). Madonna is the mother image and encloses the purity that can approve of them (the men): make them feel like they are the good men they aspire to be. The whorishness can only occur if the woman feels valued, safe and free to experiment. So implicit in all such behaviour are huge kudos for the man (unless, of course there is coercion, trade or hate involved, which are common). Even more importantly, the affirmative importance of breaching sexual taboos is all in the symbolic permission, for permission is the confirmation of love deserved. Men do not want to ask for whorish behavior of their women, since it implies that they are not good men and they fear the possibility of castigation. Male heaven is the female partner risking their pride to dramatically show their love through granting permission to taboos. And yet there are paradoxes all over this terrain. If all taboos are breached and there is constant striving for the next excitement, women tend to feel that their bodies (and thereby there persons) are being used as the man's additive release, and they will be correct. But this is ALWAYS TRUE. SEX IS ADDICTIVE RELEASE. So, boundaries of some form are a practical necessity and should be discussed by the parties, so that there is no need to blandish the technically accurate but highly destructive name calling. And I will go further and say that what we call "whorish" behaviour is not. Women who are paid to use their bodies sexually typically don't like sex, do not demonstrate approval or love during sex and are therefore not acting like a real consenting partner. Men who aspire to good man status are not all that interested in regularly participating in such mutually bruising activities. Thus, the "whorish behaviour" nomenclature comes out of our traditional puritan view point combined with the taboo-breaking and sometimes role-playing, not from real whorishness (a nuance that women are often quite confused about). The rest of the last stanza is generally fine. I have gone into the details of aspects of sexuality because I think it is useful to be confident when one is breaching word related taboos during the writing of poetry. Admittedly, I have not canvassed the nagging exceptions and details, but very few people can readily explain these issues without getting caught in the maze of hard feelings which are endemic to erotica and if you are going to write in the genre it is useful to have at least a crude guide. I do hope you find these comments to be of value. I encourage your continuance in the smithing of such fine lines. Brian P.S. I am going to dig up a poem by a very good contemporary Manitoba poet where she writes of sex with God, slightly disguised, to give you a practical example of these matters.

another very good poem from your pens wantings, I can feel the need in this write wafting like smells from the bedroom... Brian I thought was right on with his take... very good Boni Richard

I see that I am late to this party, I kept getting sidetracked those last few days... This poem is deeply sensual and, as usual, has some wonderful imagery. My suggestions here would be: [ ] can be taken out ( ) added or altered by me We are one in blood* There will be equal tears and sweat with which to flood (the deluge of your thoughts.) Tears in which to drown [the] fears and longings that still abound. The inevitability that someday you will be mine, hangs like a Karmic rug(,) [It is] woven from strands of longing [threads of] kisses(,) [with] gossamer colours of your hair entwined, upon the wall of time. Silky strands of sensuous strokes become a prayer mat awaiting unction - from a carnal knowledge you alone can define. Merge with me in the flesh cross over me with your mind! ** Change! (R)earrange your life’s quest! Metamorph your Karma into loving. Hold a new eternity with mine. What do you think? Yours, ~Nina

Here is the poem I was thinking of from Audrey Poetker-Thiessen. Menno is, I think, a reference to Menno Simmons, the leader of the Mennonites, a low-German speaking Christian Sect that settled in Manitoba after leaving Ukraine in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. In that sense, "menno" is a representation of god. The poem comes from Audrey Poetker-Thiessen's "standing all the night through", (Turnstone Press, Winnipeg, 1992) 49: & i want to hear menno & i want to hear menno cry out loud from beneath me & watch his startled peace when i enclose him all day long i want him to be only with thoughts of me for once i want to be on top & i want to see menno face to face in his face i want to see him see what he has missed not loving me menno come tenderly i will ride you your lips cracked open sunflower seed by my tongue & all your noisy mummery quelled with raging love only have faith & i will sing to you the front singer of the gemeinde a song of songs menno your prick is the strongest branch on a strong tree you hide in me (i am the tree green with wind) Brian