Ocean Play

Ocean Play (second version)

Eagerly she takes his hand
warm and course the tiny grains of sand
cling to their legs and feet.

Salty sprays of aqua blue
the ocean conspires against the two
to send them running from its waves.

In the wake of rolling tides
laughter sparkling in their eyes
hand in hand they dodge the surf.

— autumnphoenix, Jul 05, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

Critiques

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

A Good Short Poem

With many short poems, the poet doesn't give enough information to give the reader the full flavor of the piece. Not so with yours. I found it refreshing and satisfying. My only problem is with this line: warm and course the tiny grains of sand I think it would flow more smoothly if you dropped the word "tiny." Always, Cat

autumnphoenix

16 years 11 months ago

Hello Cat

Thanks for your comment. I will read it again and consider your advice. Thanks Dana

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 11 months ago

I was expecting

at least another stanza, but it is beautiful and I enjoyed it!!! Thankyou :)fleur

autumnphoenix

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you

for reading this. I do think I could get another one out of this. I'm working it now. As I said this is the second version. It started out as a first person poem. As I started to rewrite it it changed itself in to this version. Thanks again. Dana

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Just before I vote can you

Just before I vote can you clarify if its doge the surf? or dodge the surf ? Love Jayne x x

autumnphoenix

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Jane

It is dodge. Blame it on a sticky key on my keyboard. Thanks Dana

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Haha we all have a sticky

Haha we all have a sticky key cause they get used so much ... nice write glad I could help Love Jayne x