Rett

Jul 04, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

A Dark Highway

A Dark Highway

I look with deep sobriety
Beyond this sane reality
Upon days of revelry
And misbegotten fealty
Shining like gold jewelry

With eyes that look blindingly
And pierce my soul unthinkingly
With thoughts that are reminding me
Of life and death relentlessly
Shaping my mortality

Upon the razored edge of time
I try to cling to what is mine
Searching endlessly to find
A thought or dream that is kind
While I slowly lose my mind

Dreaming eyes devotedly
Bring back my sanity
Until at last I can see
The world that is surrounding me
And offers surcease from inanity

Normally I don't post one without going over it numerous times, but this one flashed. Feel free to slice it to ribbons, tell me how many rules of poetry I broke, how dumb it is or anything else that comes to mind. *LOL* I'll appreciate it.

— Rett, Jul 04, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Southern Texas, USA

Favorite Poets: Dickenson, Longfellow

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Critiques

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 11 months ago

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY Dad

First of all, Dad, I love it. It's really anything from dumb. Just one thing- in the last line, the last word "inanity"...is that supposed to be "insanity" or is inanity really a word? Lol. Otherwise, I love the overall kind of dark feeling of the poem, it's got to be one of your best ones, I think. Awesome. Peace love n hugs Katie

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks Daughter

Glad you like it and yes, inanity is a word. *stern look* Look it up young lady. *LOL* Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." Rett

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Rett

Although I did like the "overall kind of dark feeling of the poem," The rhyming seemed a bit stilted and a bit sing-song(ey)to me. Read it outloud and tell me what you think? Always, Cat

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks Cat

You are correct in that it is sing songy, but I do more sing songy than any other type. Unfortunately though, I noticed that my rhythm slipped a bit one or two places and especially on the last verse. Got to work on that. I appreciate it a lot Cat! *S* Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." Rett

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Duh on me

I meant rhythm, not rhyming! Always, Cat

Eduardo Cruz

16 years 11 months ago

Rett,

I did see the direction you were going in, and i do know of writing on the fly! I think that the first ten line end in "y" was a good idea, but as i read the next ten I thought they were all going to end in "ne-me" that's the only thing I see. Maybe just change a couple of words in the last stanza. all in all I thought that what your were convey that was going on in this mind was great!! thanks, Eddie

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks Eddie

I will work on it. Sometimes it takes me a while to get things the way I want. That is why I seldom post poems I have just written. *LOL* Maybe a bit too much of the perfectionist at times. I appreciate it my friend. Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

Electric Blue

16 years 11 months ago

Dark Highway

Rett How did you know this was the road sign that I followed and still on this road going no where. No detours? I look with deep sobriety with eyes that look blindingly and pierce my soul unthinkingly with thoughts that are reminding me of life and death relentlessly Upon the razored edge of time searching endlessly to find while I slowly lose my mind until I see the world I want surrounding me. Dreaming eyes devotedly until at last I see the one who is just for me Sorry Rett cannot help myself comment into poems hope you do not mind always my friend Electric blue

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Maggie my dear

I never mind. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed. Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

Bert Lamrick

16 years 11 months ago

I enjoyed this work

very much. It resonated with me personally because I've grappled with these very sensibilities in my own experience. All points were well received. Thank you Rett, for sharing yours. Sincerely, ~Rick Lambert (Get it?)

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Rick, my thanks

Sorry to be so long getting back to you. I've been busy. Thank you for the kid words, it is deeply appreciated. I am very glad you could relate to this. Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

weirdelf

16 years 11 months ago

I am on page 5 of latest postings and this one really struck me

Screw the publishers, your poetry sings, my friend. Cheers, Jess

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Thanks Jess

Very glad I read this today as my novel just got rejected, but there are other publishers and other rejections I have endured and will continue to. Thanks for brightening my day. Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

infinite_dwarf

16 years 11 months ago

Rett

I think it had a strong pull from really good opening lines to the closing lines. My only problem was, like Eddie Esq., I was kind of done with the singsong 'y' rhyme - however, was quite pleased to see it broken up later on with the 'ine' rhyming of the third stanza. All in all, I felt it was good for on the fly and unpolished. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

Jess K. Thank you

I assuredly will polish this as soon as I get the time. I always appreciate good constructive comments and I thank you. Respectfully, Rett: "At twenty, if you are not a liberal, you have no heart. At thirty, if you are not a conservative, you have no brain." Winston Churchill

Godweed

16 years 11 months ago

you know me and rhythm

I think that once you polish this, it will all have the impact of the 3rd verse "Upon the razored edge of time I try to cling to what is mine Searching endlessly to find A thought or dream that is kind While I slowly lose my mind" Really love that - "upon the razored edge of time, I try to cling to what is mine" I do have a small suggestion, as this came to me reading as naturally belonging there... how about: "A thought or dream that isn't blind" ?? Not quite the same meaning, mind you, but for some reason, in my mind, it fits. (Dark Highway = darkness = not able to see so well = blindness ... maybe that's where it came from?)

Rett

16 years 11 months ago

OHHH, I like that.

Thanks Virginia. I appreciate it. Respectfully, Rett: "Next time you think you're perfect, walk on water." Rett

Electric Blue

16 years 10 months ago

Lost Highway

Rhett When I read your writings they transend me to places unknown As I said before words start to tumble. I am just watching the Beech Boys getting some Good Good Vibrations......... Trying to get some inspiration so i am just drumming along with them. Always Electric Blue

Rett

16 years 10 months ago

((HUGS)) Thank you Maggie

Get them good good good , good vibrations! Glad you enjoy the writings. Respectfully, Rett: "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy. " Winston Churchill