THE RESCUE

This poem is very beautiful... It carries me to places and times, I am in love with. Your words weave brightly...a tapestry of light and shadow... And many colors. You are a very gifted Storeyteller, Ian. With my love, Raven. "The leaves were long, the grass was green, The hemlock-umbels tall and fair, And in the glade a light was seen Of stars in shadow shimmering. Tinuviel was dancing there To music of a pipe unseen, And light of stars was in her hair, And in her raiment glimmering." - J R R Tolkien

But you know what creeps me out about most fantasy? There are always bloody kings! Viva la revolution! Cheers, Jess

I loved this one ... I am an avid Lord of the Rings Fan and this one reminded me of it ... Love Jayne x x

Firstly, well done. It has a generally good flow and pacing and conveys its story well. As a contest entry it meets the requirements, so that's always good. I do have a few suggestions, mostly word choice suggestions. Modified words are [BRACKETED] with explanations below. ============================================================== THE RESCUE Prophesying doom and gloom In every corner of the realm The [cleric] [strides] from room to room “You have no pilot at your helm! My King is taken by the Orcs. Yonder black [keep] is where he’s chained. Put down your wine and take to horse, Orcs cannot stand against brave men.” On chargers, with great spears and shields Rode out the [faithful] force to fight Evil-spawned Orcs’ sharp swords of steel Foul Fiendish spells turned day to night[.] For [six] long hours the battle raged Over blackened [and] poisoned earth Resulting in great victory The King restored - the Orcs all [slain.] ====================================================== Line 03 - Two things here, "cleric" is more keeping with the tone of the piece and "strides" conveys stronger purpose Line 06 - "Tower" created a flow stumble for me and though I tried modifications in the second half of the line, substituting in "keep" seemed a better choice. Line 09 - removed extra space after chargers line 10 - Replaced "rescue" with "faithful" for to (2) reasons: 1) Ties into cleric aspect 2) denotes an oathkeeper Line 12 - Added punctuation line 13 - Spelled out "6" - generally numbers under nine are spelled out but in this type of piece I would always spell out all numbers, using the opportunity to enforce the legendary quality of the piece. Line 14 - The word order created a dramatic shift in pacing. By removing "the" before "blackened" then adding "and" before "poisoned" the established flow of the piece is maintained Line 16 - "Slain" is a word more in keeping with the tone you have set and adds to the message that the rescuer's actions were successful All of the above are only suggestions. You, as the poet, must review and discern which comments are worthwhile for consideration and which are not. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

wow is all i can say i would by your work if it was published and put it right next to the lord of the rings and harry potter!