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Seventh of July

the seventh of July 2007
saw the darkness of daylight
rise out of the trenches
onto the pages of poetry heaven

almost like flying a kite
with sentence short and sweet
it took me a little while
to warm to this inner light

those little yellow stars
are a joy to receive
shows that I am here
and not living on mars

new friends are found
who show honesty not deceit
I question some critique
which we are always bound

having since come screaming in
to break the silence
from my blocked poetry mind
I'm not leaving here like Flynn

I offer phrase to open praise
of a life in word and rhyme
for this place has opened
my eyes to a big wide maze

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: AUS

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Comments

Seren

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Fleur your prolific at the

Fleur your prolific at the moment and I cant believe noone else has found this yet,everyone must be asleep,I loved this my friend ... Love Jayne ... sorry to be late catching up I have been in and out of bed the last few days (hugz)
Fleur MacDonald

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 10 months ago

No wucking furries

my darling one! I have been flat out like a lizard drinking! I think you must be right about everyone being asleep or blind folded. Wish they would wake up and smell the coffee. But you my sweet you are the best!! Even when I haven't been on here since tuesday you cheer me up and I do hope you are not having too much of a bad time dealing with those unhealthy demons! I hope your bed will be contiually comfy and help you to heal quickly! much love and healthy vibes :)fleur
Kailashana

Kailashana

16 years 10 months ago

Congratulations….that you

Congratulations....that you are here, proves you can stick out your neck and pull it back again when needed. ;-) If I awarded golden stars, I would, but alas I can only give you the stars that are always shining...day or night. Much love, health and best wishes Fleur, Jayne Anna "It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err." Mahatma Gandhi
A

Arrow

16 years 10 months ago

I enjoyed this uncluttered, frank poem.

First, I thought stanza 1 was great. It flowed well, had good imagery and I esp. liked the image of darkness hidden in light. I particularly liked the alliteration of line 21. In general, I liked the rhyme scheme (abca), melodious but not excessive. I have some suggestions to do with as you please (or not, per stanza 4). **those little yellow stars . . . shows -- shows --> show( ), no "s" **and not living on mars -- I found this a little clichéd. Maybe some other phrase to indicate the end of estrangement: no more wandering, apart? **which we are always bound -- I thought this read a little awkwardly, maybe: (by) which we are always bound **for this place has opened my eyes to a big wide maze -- maybe shorten the last line for greater impact: for this place has opened my eyes to a big wide maze?
Fleur MacDonald

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 10 months ago

The Darkness of Daylight

was the first poem I posted to neopoet on the 7th July 2007, I started out mentioning Andrew and Paul but pulled them out!! I'm quite happy with the way it sits, in your eyes maybe I'll do a better one next year!! :)fleur
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 1 month ago

Poetry heaven

Ann of Norway And my birthday and I haven't met you yet and I have surely only met some of the lovely poets here but there is a limit to how many we can grasp isn't there? 07 07 40 was my date of birth and this caught my eye because of that. Lovely to see you there and hear you here and I look forward to seeing more, not just now as I am off at the moment but will return surely. AND what a name Fleur MacDonald, sounds a bit Scottish, Flora macDonald of Dame Flora Mac cloud of Mac cloud and al that sort of clan thing, me being half Scottish myself? Yours Ann
Fleur MacDonald

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 1 month ago

I'm sure I will remember your birthday,

no excuses now. Myself a distant relative of Dame Flora McLeod from the Isle of Skye. I'm 1 part Scottish, 2 parts English and 1 part Danish. I've been off too and still a bit more to go before I back properly. I'll keep my eye out for you though... :)fleur
Nordic cloud

Nordic cloud

16 years 1 month ago

the air it would disintegrate like a forgotten myth.

Ann of Norway Och and I spelt it wrong!! Tut tut! Have you seen Dunvegan Castle where she lived? perched there beside the roaring sea, the barnacles and limpets clinging to the mossy rocks of the bay and the old flag from -I don't remember when- but the one that was there when Bonnie Prince Charlie was around; faded and so delicate that if a wind should blow it up into the air it would disintegrate like a forgotten myth. Ah yes the romance of the past seeps through every mind of the Scot and colours their vision at times enough to evoke the scenes of past glories, as they ponder their castles and stone edifices that have withstood the teeth of time. Just look at dear Rosina she is such a one! Then mix her with some of Sir Geezer, not perhaps remotely Scottish but full of dreams of the knights of old and there you have epic tales unfolded not yet written! Oh what am I waffling on about? The gaunt fascinating beauty of Scotland is legendary, even the Romans baulked at the intensity of their character, as they were no match with their weapons and armour, they would come marching up the hills at other times dressed in their kilts of many colours playing the bagpipes, fair sounds to give their enemies the willies, the wail of their pipes echoing through the hills and over the gray lochs. Wild red hair and flying sashes, yes they are a proud race of man perhaps seasoned in no small degree by the Vikings who owned the whole of the West coast way back in history. I had better stop, you got me thinking and this is perhaps not the place to do just that, never mind glad to meet you Fleur of Australia, there you are exotic? Love Ann. And I live with a Dane!