MASQUERADE

Love's vulgar vagaries
keep us yearning for more
the paradoxes, the pantomimes
the games we adore.

I'll put on this mask
if I may enter the Ball,
I'll masquerade as marvellous
in the glamorous costume of "wherewithal"

My attire is stunning
there'll be no 'authentic self' to see -
I'm begining to forge myself
into whatever you want me to be.

There is latent self-loathing
to this I'll agree
but "Love Conquers all"!
is what was taught to me

So now I'm vanquished and vulnerable
for the whole world to see
was it worth purporting promises
only to lose the 'real me'?

— Bonitaj, Jul 03, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

themoonman

17 years ago

Boni...

so many masquerading to achieve what should be so attainable by being real, and yet sometimes, we can't help ourselves from wanting, almost needing to change, to conform to fit... although I think this poem went a step deeper, to be asked to wear the mask, expected to, and to unwittingly do it so as to achieve, receive the one thing that should be freely given... love for one's self. Boni, are you a psychologist? just wondering... did I get the meaning? Richard

Bonitaj

17 years ago

MASQUERADE

Hey Richard are you psychic or is it just me!? lol Your answers are spot on except for one thing - The protagonist CHOSE to wear her mask 'if only' to be loved. There is such a diminutive sense of self-love that "I'm begining to forge myself into whatever you want me to be".... Sad huh? Also very common albeit not always a conscious choice people make. Hope you had a great July 4th celebration with you friends & family! Regards as always Boni

weirdelf

17 years ago

there was no need for the afternote

It is there for all to see. Losing one's self in love is the theme that makes this a an important poem, instead of a trite love poem. Cheers, Jess

Bonitaj

17 years ago

It's a first for me!

Weirdelf! That you should stop by! Most flattered! Thank you for your comments - nice to know some people get it! I often think I'm too convoluted and obtuse! CHeers Bonita j

Seren

17 years ago

Dont ever loose yourself no

Dont ever loose yourself no matter what Boni I loved this one .... losing yourself in love is one of the great sacrifices we make to really love ... Brillant write as per I would expect LOL .. (hugz) Love Jayne x x

Bonitaj

17 years ago

eternal quest

Sigh! Love is an Eternal Quest as I said in one of my previous poems and sometimes the price we pay IS too high! Having said that - I would do it again! Such pleasure in such pain! :) lol Boni ps. Not to punt my work - but the next chapter is DENOUEMENT which in French has a subtler meaning than Google can offer. It really means "denuded of one's innocence!" Now go and read it please! :)

Arrow

17 years ago

First, I love this theme as

First, I love this theme as I'm interested in narcissistic conditions. As such, I'm inclined to a change in line 4, from "adore" to "abhor." You've noted the latent self-loathing later but I feel those games are more of a sick compulsion. Also on a content note is this line: ***is what was taught to me. Maybe a change in word choice to emphasize your idea that this is a myth. Maybe: but "Your Love Conquers All"/was the myth taught to me. Just some thoughts. I really enjoyed stanza 2, which has a whirling rhythm except in the last line which read awkwardly long. (There are some other awkward lines.) in the glamorous costume of “wherewithal” -- maybe something like: "hold my subjects enthralled"? As an aside, I see you're interested in psychology. I wonder if you've read Akhtar's Broken Structures. Each personality disorder is prefaced by an excerpt from a poem. The one for NPD is from "Mea Culpa" by Goedicke. It is: "In public he is so powerful, so sophisticated! Natty as a Doberman pinscher in his neat cuffs, He tells us he is only a poor folk Looking for its mate, But living with him is like living in the ten stomachs of a snake." I would enjoy such a series by you.

Bonitaj

17 years ago

Narcissism WHATTA CONCEPT!

Boy! do I love to connect with someone who 'knows' this stuff too! Thank you so much for "working this over" as it's good to come back and re-write (albeit as an aside here!) some of the concepts I wished to convey here. Firstly, this person DOESN'T have a NPD. She is more likely to have Borderline PD and that idea of "I'll be whatever you want me to be" should be the indicator. Also she is attempting to give her 'wherewithal' i.e. everything to "hide her real self' I know it's an awkward line so I'll have to re-think it a bit. Back to the comment on adore/abhor (did I have difficulties with this in another poem I wrote viz.THE PLAYER) Here ADORE is correct because it ties in with the fantasies girls are brought up with.i.e. "Love conquers all is what was taught to me". We therefore adore playing dress up and these games - where we will win at all costs. Thank you so much for your recommendation by Aktar. Check out 2 good books: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU - Sandy Hotchkiss and MALIGNANT LOVE Sam Vaknin (Not one of my favourite authors as he is a self-confessed Narcissist OF THE WORST ORDER!!!) Cheers for now and thanks again! Bonita j ps. Some stars and stuff would be nice to round of this little play on fantasies... :)

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Boni,

this is awesome, one of your best! Love how you play with the concept of "masks" here. My usual couple of suggestions (only very few this time): Love’s vulgar vagaries keep us yearning for more the paradoxes, the pantomimes(,) the games we adore. I’ll put on this mask if I may enter the Ball, I’ll masquerade as marvellous(,) in the glamorous costume of “wherewithal”(.) My attire is stunning(,) there’ll be no ‘authentic self’ to see - I’m begin(n)ing to forge myself into whatever you want me to be. There is latent self-loathing to this(,) I’ll agree(,) but “Love (c)onquers all”! is what was taught to me(.) So now I’m vanquished and vulnerable for the whole world to see(,) was it worth purporting promises only to lose the ‘real me’? Let me know what you think. Yours, ~Nina

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