Summer's Fusion

Feathered sweep of a summer's rain
soft upon bared skin
Mockingbird sings learnt repertoire
from the safety of a stately oak
Sunbeam slices through grey mottled cloud
revealing God's holy colouration
of an arch of wonderment
Laying underneath
two lovers lost in each other's eyes
Their surroundings disappear
into the periphery
Sun pours down on them
a silent blessing
of a summer's fusion

— infinite_dwarf, Jul 02, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

Seren

17 years ago

Jess

I liked the gentleness of this one, like the blooming of a season unfolding in words and they are beautiful ,only one suggestion? I read the last line as 'of summers fusion' without the [a]... But that is only a suggestion I am out of kilter with the world it could be just me ...Take care ... Love Jayne

infinite_dwarf

17 years ago

Jayne

I've read and re-read without the 'a' and with, to be honest, I see no real difference. The 'a' was supposed to designate that particular fusion of two people into one. I can definitely sympathise with being off-kilter, so I could very much be wrong as well. LOL! Thanks for stopping in - I hope you're feeling better. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits

Candlewitch

17 years ago

Summer's Fusion

Great title! I'm terrible at titles, want to give me a few lessons in choosing a title? (Just in your spare time... between classes, writing poetry and cleaning the house, lol!) Your language use was really good and your logic was consistent. A very pretty poem. Always, Cat

infinite_dwarf

17 years ago

LMAO!

Actually, to be honest, I'll usually use a line, or a derivative of a line directly from the poem as a title. It's rare when I'll come up with one that's different. I'll trade you washing dishes for a lesson! Thanks for the read and comments - Jai purrs her hellos to Benji. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits

bjp

17 years ago

Dear Jessica,

I really like the direction of your writing. I see constant adaptation. Did you know that Olya wrote a poem in solidarity with you? It is called Walk Fast (under anasta zia). Anyway, there are a couple of lines here that are too re-used by poets for me to adore: "two lovers lost in each other’s eyes/ Their surroundings disappear." I think that this does happen but because someone else got there first, these lines almost have to be avoided. It is ok to say something similar provided it is unique enough to blow the thought of anyone else's efforts away. "Feathered sweep of a summer’s rain", is the kind of "just Jessica" line that appeals. Brian

infinite_dwarf

17 years ago

thankyou, Brian

You, know.... I was wondering if those lines would sound a little to cliche - seems they are. What about something like two lovers entranced in the moment / as the world becomes insignificant / and fades into periphery. Does that sound better? Olya wrote me a poem? I'll have to go see! Always nice to see you on my page, friend. Thank you. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits

bjp

17 years ago

Dear Jessica,

I'm not saying this suggestion should be accepted. But it tries to put a new spin on an old tire: Pairs of eyes blink reciprocity balking at peripheries beyond the iris This particular casting places the iris as both eye and the female object of desire, which is a nice "combo delux", as Olya would say. I don't think it fits perfectly so you would have to tinker. Her poem was written in solidarity with you. It is the last stanza in particular, where she came up with as many curses as possible, helping to open the door so to speak. Brian

infinite_dwarf

17 years ago

Brian

That's a good idea, and I'll have to give it some thought. My brain is quite shot at the moment, so I don't think anything creative is going to come from it today. I read Olya's venting - must say I'm quite proud of her! I will leave appropriate commentary once more time frees up. Thanks again, friend. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Why worry? There should be laughter after pain. There should be sunshine after rain. These things have always been the same. So why worry now?" - Dire Straits

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