Cloudthings

Jul 02, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Delicate edges of sacrifice ( further adventures in the Ode series - for our Ink dragon)

She’s crisp you know,
Like the soft crust of snow lace
Delicate somehow
Worry shifts behind the pretty face
She gathers her courage
Steps into the fire
She knows how the burning
Can numb her desire
She says something like…
“It hasn’t been easy, but here we all are”
Just quietly though, she’s the accented star

She is hard on herself
But she wont let you know
Instead she gives the consistent hand
Careful to light how some grammer should go
These are the things she might notice,
A correction might tighten the lines
Vigilant, methodical
Nothing in her offering that ever undermines
I don’t know why I see her
In a castle made of ice
Like a spell from some old fashioned fairytale
Imprisoned by her history
And the crippling drive to be always nice

I wish her
Fluidity and freedom
And a stage for her ballet of words on ice
Carefully choreographed to connect
Skating delicate edges of sacrifice
Too much, I wonder, she loses?
She is beautiful bloom in isolation
Always poised and neat in her manner
Groomed and precise in her presentation
These are all guesses of course
I’m sure she burns with desire to be more
Like we all do in our moments
Tallying up the balance and score

Wise and competent this one appears
Brave to the edges of cliffs dripping tears
Raising her hand to the blaze blast that sears
She endures and steps beyond
Engendering slow blooming warmth, care and fond
And with these I wish to create
A painting that sees her step into her “great”
For potential is potent and tethers constrain
I see her rising against them and slipping past pain
Self conscious perhaps in the light
Her bruises exposed, and it stifles her flight
I admire her consistency
And am grateful to her skill
Her eye and clear perception of the way the forms match the poet’s will
Graceful features, she is sentinel,
Marble smoothed and beautiful
She welcomed me here to this place
And offers, always, such competent grace

— Cloudthings, Jul 02, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

And I wondering...

And I wondering where and what you would rhyme, knew that I would have my chance in time, to see the words of things you know. I see them now, bask in their glow. Escape we have not, none at all. For we must trip on rhyme and fall. It is a place that we must face, to fall in rhyme is no disgrace. It happens to the best of us, sometimes we slip under the bus. Rescue, look not from me, for I enjoy rhyme's company. Save yourself if you can, you'll get no help from this man. Lovely thoughts, and in rhyme no less. I almost couldn't stop, it was only with great effort. Your odes are your own ode, you have prepared your own song and I am here to sing it. [My voice is not so good, and no music, so I'll wing it.] Dash it all! I really have a problem here! yours as always, Gee.

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

Ahhh Gee you warm my heart... that had me chuckle, as weary as I

You're quick & you're gorgeous.... Ahhh Gee you warm my heart... that had me chuckle, as weary as I am. You are a poet knight for my momentarilly sore heart. Thank you dearest Gee... Such clever fun here.. better do something with this one as well methinks. Anni xxx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

poetrylove11

16 years 11 months ago

Love it!

The poem flowed very well and the descriptions were amazing, really gave me an image and feel of this girl...good work! Just one little thing I didn't like... She gathers her courage though (I didn't think though needed to be there, its unecessary and takes away from the flow of the poem) Besides that I really enjoyed it! Liz

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

hope it does her justice, I don't know Nina so well, but she say

Thanks Liz - I hope it does her justice, I don't know Nina so well, but she says I seem to have worked it out & something about mind reading... but we writers can read more in apoem than most I suspect. You know I think you are right about the "though"... Love the perspective thing here. Cheers Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Anni,

here we go again... tears in my eyes. Thank you for this beautiful tribute. I picture myself now, standing in my castle of ice, that has turned into a prison through time, and staring at my hands in disbelief. I never thought they might be warm enough and that simply reaching out could possibly suffice to make the ice melt into liberating tears. Much love to you, queen of clouds, with your lyre, from the skating dragon, ~Nina

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

"I wish I had a river - I could skate away on"... boy I've longe

Well, dear Nina... lets just change that then shall we? We'd like your little hands all warm & limber for lots of writing/typing & creation, not to mention warming of self & loved ones... So I figure we could have a compromise on that castle, ice is a beautiful thing, but you must be warm & comfortable & most of all ... freeeee! Yes, a little melt might be a good thing, come out & play (my otter's youngest suggests I behave more like a 12 yo, tho she wouldn't have it any other way... I think more like a 6 yo, I was getting too shy & self conscious at 12), Beki & I could take you for a frollic I reckon & have you giggling & cosy in no time... Oooh haven't been skating since I was a teen, bit like flying yes? That lovely free sense of gliding along (& the faint element of danger, speed slipperiness, other objest to collide with), I bet you were a beautiful skater (are)... We have to have special frozen rinks here, lakes & rivers never get that frozen... I love the idea of skating on a lake... Do you know Joni's "River"? "I wish I had a river - I could skate away on"... boy I've longed for that a few times...such a sad song... Oooh Beki, don't even think of listening to that song rigt now, be the worst for you... just know we love you & in a while when you feel better I'll send it to you & we can smile warmly as you heal more. Anyway Nina.. you can always find warmth above the clouds where the sun shines, the 3 of us can swing our legs... I can pretend to be the older wiser one, but it would last all of 2 seconds before I was laughing & being silly... we better invite a bunch of the other gorgeous women on this site as well, how wonderful huh? Be well & warm... (it is snow fall cold here today... ffffffrrrreeeezing), hope you have the sun & warmth there. Anni xxx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

faerybeki

16 years 11 months ago

This one made me cry too, :)

This one made me cry too, :) Anni you have done much justice to Nina, I've had similar thoughts of her, You write her beautifully, you have set her strength and her vulnerability in a magical world, where she no doubt belongs. She was the first to welcome me too and has been nothing but consistently supportive of me and my work, she is an inspiration through her poetry and her comments. All those who read you Anni and are blessed enough to recieve an 'ode' from you, whatever form they take, are sprinkled with something far more powerful that your average faery dust, and the glow lingers lovingly, much love honey, hugs Beks xxx

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

I used to feel Nina had no need for gushy types like me

Oh Beki, you pour honey all over me & bring that beautiful warming sun into my freezing housey (well, the heaters are on & we are relatively snug) G & the boys had a movie marathon last night & were still bantering til after 4am... legitimised my being up on Neo I suppose... so they are still slothing in sleeping bags & it's nearly 3 in the afternoon... Hah, wait til your gal is 13.. sleepovers, popcorn strewn all over the floor, spider of coke & choc chip mint ice cream spilled on sleeping bags, sleep deprivation & a few other less enticing elements... Nice to see them moving through the rights of passage though... Oh I digress even worse than usual! My honey bee sister, you flatter me so & from you I can almost lap it up... mostly because I would want so much to know that you could do so if I gush for you... mirroring is such a healthy thing for we sensitive folk. As for sweet Nina, she can be a hider I think, but I suspect she is one of us Beki, I think we could warm those delicate mits of hers & she can keep us on track a little while we go off the rails with her in tow (snicker)... I know it doesn't make sense, just playing. It's a nice feeling, that slow unfolding of another part of our family I think... some just pop up irrepressibly & instantly (like you) some are tender or less trusting & take a while to show up without cover.. I used to feel Nina was a strong independent woman (which I still uphold) who had no need for gushy types like me, gradually I see more & more of the more vulnerable inside, a lovely view in truth, glad I discovered it. Ooops Boys are wanting to get a lift... must go xxx Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Psst, Anni, Beki,

it's supposed to be a secret that I am human ;) No, seriously: I does take me a while to open up, Anni, you've got that right, and I often hold people at arms' length before I decide whether I want to hug them... Hugs to you, Anni, and sweet Beki, ~Nina

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

fair enough too Nina, many a time I wish I was more that way mys

And fair enough too Nina, many a time I wish I was more that way myself.. there's no wrong or right way to be, we do as we learn works best & the best we can do is be ever vigilant that those choices were not based on mistakes or have been outgrown... At worst we seem to hang on to decisions we make as children about how safe the world is & how to respond to it... It's huge when we realise we can change our minds & be a lot more free of fear than we need to be... that's been my epiphanie anyway. Anyway, glad I am getting to know you more & am now home safe in "hugging" territory I do tend to be a hugger as well as a gusher! So hugs back Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Anni,

I just had to come back. You have crushed the dam that was holding my words back these last weeks. Your beautiful ode inspired a poem, and I have written two more poems today. And I have had that song playing in my head all day, it's a Kate Bush song, and I can only remember the line "the river has frozen over". I think I am going to look for it and listen to it now. Thank you, ~Nina

Cloudthings

16 years 11 months ago

Kate Bush Under Ice lyrics xx

Dearest Nina, still up, had to get this when I got the message. I thought at first it might be "Waking the witch"... but it's "Under Ice"... I love Kate so much she helped form who I am I think. It's wonderful. Everywhere, so white. The river has frozen over. Not a soul on the ice. Only me skating fast. I'm speeding past trees, Leaving little lines in the ice, Splitting, splitting sound, Silver heels spitting, spitting snow. (Sonar says...[inaudible]...deep...[inaudible]) There's something moving Under, under the ice, Moving under ice, Through water, Trying to get out of the cold water. It's me. Something, someone--help them. It's me. Kate Bush Under Ice lyrics Oh but I think you should go listen to Tori Amos "Winter" I think, for you "when you gonna make up your mind, when you gonna love you as much as I do" So glad you have felt freed dear one, as you should, hope to see more of you then. Must sleep now xxx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Yay, Anni,

I did listen to that Kate Bush song yesterday, I love it so much, and now you come up with one of my other favourites, Tori's "Winter"! I keep listening to those albums, Kate's "Hounds of love" and Tori's "Little Earthquakes", I don't think there is one song on either of them that I don't love. Now I will have to dash, it's late here and I am shamefully neglecting my household duties...having so much fun here... Love, ~Nina