I Love You More

Maybe I should get a life, Maybe I should stop desiring you to be my wife. Maybe I will stop wishing my life away, Maybe I should find a better way. Maybe I should think of you a bit less, Maybe then I would not be in such a mess. Maybe I ought not to get lost in my thoughts of you, Maybe I can’t stop myself, maybe this is true. Maybe I should look elsewhere, Maybe I don’t really have a prayer. Maybe I will get down on one knee, Maybe you will be the death of me. Maybe I should just get over myself, Maybe this is getting bad for my health. Maybe I should just make do, Maybe I should stop thinking of you.

— michael, Jul 01, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Tink

16 years 11 months ago

Hi "L"

If you don't mind i'm going to call you "L" since "loser" seems so harsh to me. i myself love love poetry, it's personal, it's one's heart speaking. i enjoyed the concept of this poem, but truly feel that there are too many "i love you"'s and they take away from the strength of your proclaimation of love. now having said that, i too am guilty of doing the same in some of my peotry and have disagreed with people who have said it to me. that was in the younger days of my writing. i have learned a lot since being on neopoet. may i be so bold as to try an experiment? I love you more than life itself, I love you more than I love myself. I love you more than I love ice-cream, I love you more than my football team. what if it read like this - I love you more than life itself, ten times more than I love myself. even more than my football team, especially more than I love ice-cream. or maybe even I love you more than life itself, ten times more than I love myself. I love you more than my football team, especially more than I love ice-cream. either of those can be applied throughout the whole poem and reduce the amount of I love you's so that the ones left have greater impact. I'd really like to challenge you to rework this so that there is only two I love you's - one in the first line and one in the last line. I got from this poem that this person means the world to you and that you are a big football fan. please think about trimming as many of the extra i love you's so that the phrase retains its pure meaning and not get lost in i love you, i love you, i love you, yeah, yeah, i love you, i love you. it means more than that. keep in mind this is just my opinion. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

michael

16 years 11 months ago

RE: Comments

Thanx 4 the comment. I appreciate the input. What U said was good, but I am going to leave it as it is. I know I could've gone that way, but I like it the way it is. It was meant to show the person it is about that I love them more than all those things, which I do like a lot, especially football. I don't claim to be a poet. I did do something like U said for another poem, if U read my 'I Was Thinking of You' poem, I purposely used different words/phrases to mean thinking of, which I thought was quite clever. I don't think the meaning gets lost in 'I Love You More', she got it anyway, or at least I think so. Thanx.

Tink

16 years 11 months ago

"L",

Thank you for not taking offense to my suggestion. You are the author and creator and I'm glad you are keeping to what you feel is right in being the originator! and I'm glad she got it! your poem does remind me of one of mine, "I'll Tell You Why", yours being much more simple. I too was given advice to its structure and I too decided it best to keep it as is. "HE" loved it as it is. I will be reading your "I was thinking of you" and will offer my thoughts on it, if you don't mind. you may not claim to be a poet, but i disagree, you express what's inside on paper that's poetry - good, bad or indifferent, liked or disliked. I look forward to reading more of your work. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

michael

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you, that was very

Thank you, that was very nice.