THE PLAYER

THE PLAYER

"you withdraw in order to capture immobilizing those whom you enrapture paralyze those who stand trying to catch you..... Your rules are arbitrary -they suit none but your own You play the game subtler more varied than I've ever known Those who withdraw - you expunge from your lifeFor those you abhor - you keep arguments rifethe rest you leave languishing at the border far from your mad psychotropic* disorder. Lifewith you at its epi-centreis like living with death...dying as you enterno light no sound no debenture." BjR 1 July, '09 *adj. Having an altering effect on perception, emotion, or behaviour.

— Bonitaj, Jul 01, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Tip of Southern Africa, ZAF

Favorite Poets: Too many to narrow down, but briefly :, AUDEN, T.S. ELIOT, DICKENSON, RILKE, THOREAU, RUMI ... the list is endless. Am inspired by many, especially those that live lives of "quiet desperation, and go to the grave with a song still in them" (THoreau)

Critiques

poetrylove11

16 years 11 months ago

Love it!!!!

I've never heard of arbrary, did you mean arbitrary? Also, not sure what you meant by "entropic disorder" Perhaps your vocabulary is just far superior to my own! :) " paralyze those who stand trying to catch you….."-By far my favorite line!!! Really makes you think. There was only one little thing I didn't like: "Those who withdraw you ignore or expel (Is expell really needed? Seems to be there just to rhyme...and takes away from the flow in my opinion. I also often fall into the rhyme trap...) Liz

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

THE PLAYER

Hi Liz! Thank you SOOOO much for critiquing this piece. You're quite right! arbitrary was wrong! Should use spell-check more often. Thanks to you I've gone back and made quite a few - not so subtle changes! In fact the entire meaning has been turned around from my original script. See if you can pick it up! Love your roving eye! Cheers Boni

themoonman

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Boni...

I too enjoyed this poem, and the first time I read it was pressed for time so I didn't comment because there were a few words I needed to look up... your vocabulary is much richer than mine. arbrary... you are changing, right? entropic disorder... entropy is the measure of disorder so I take it to mean in this case... an overwhelming chaos... debenture... an unsecured bond... no way to get it back, is that what you are going for there? I also thought that some sort of punctuation or something is needed in the lines... those who withdraw, you ignore or expel those who adore, you keep under your spell... just suggestions, by the way, how are you? Richard

poetrylove11

16 years 11 months ago

Hi again!

I LOVE the changes to this stanza! Sounds much better this way! Those who withdraw - you expunge from your life For those you abhor - you keep arguments rife the rest you leave languishing at the border far from your mad psychotropic* disorder. Liz

Bonitaj

16 years 11 months ago

The Player!

Damn! Love it how you critics keep me on my toes! Richard - despite all subsequent changes, just wanted you to know ALL you definitions were spot on! Including the "entropic disorder" thing! Must say I found that a little too obtuse - so I changed it (and put a definition in - as it has several to choose from!) No offense but I think in future I'll put those little addendums in since it often annoys people to have to go and look something up! By the way congrats on being elected to the "committee" or whatever other High flying job you now have Richard! I shall definately have to mind my P's & Q's! around you!!! lol :) Thank you for stopping bye! You guys are the best! Boni

themoonman

16 years 11 months ago

Boni...

Nice changes, they work very well and I too loved the psychotropic disorder... excellent choice there Boni... thank you for the congrats... although no need to watch your p's but you might want to watch those q's... lol.... high flying... shoot, I better get the landing gear ready ...lol you know what they say, it's the drop what gets ya... lol thanks Richard