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ID
Ink Dragon
Jul 03, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Boys

Best friends 

you enjoy music of the Hard Rock persuasion
and tiny colourful pictures that move
you whoop with excitement on roller coaster rides

blood brothers

you are martial arts masters
bowing, rolling with the blow, fighting
but never each other

a tribe apart 

you are uncrowned kings of your jungle
explorers of swamps aswarm with wasps and nettles
builders of huts and caves, re-inventors of the wheel

treasure hunters

you are raiders of attics, work sheds and cellars
from Lego to discarded tools and broken tellies
everything you find is precious

a secret order

through shared childhood, doubly rich
you grow closer still in growing up
and face your rites of passage

arm in arm


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I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Jess,

I take it that you meant "there is treasure everywhere"... I am starting to suspect that your spellcheck has been cursed, you ought to get a screwdriver, take your PC apart, clear out the tiny demons and throw them out of your window. Yours, ~Nina
weirdelf

weirdelf

16 years 10 months ago

my spell checker is fine

when my spelling gets bad it either means I an in a passion or my brain is about to explode. Not to do with this piece, I am in a passion about effusive uncritical feedack. You are my closest ally in this site in this regard. Cheers, Jess
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Jess,

in that case: try shaking your head till the demons get dislodged. Kidding aside: I see constructive feedback as a crucial element, too, but I can be as enthusiastic as the next man (or woman) when I am truly moved by a piece. Nobody's perfect, eh? Yours, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Kelsey,

thank you for pointing out the flaws in my composition, I will definitely reconsider the title, but I don't know about the "grow" line. I meant to say that they come nearer to each other ("grow together") while growing up...maybe it's a bad pun... I love the jungle stanza, too! Glad you pointed that one out! Love, ~Nina
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Kelsey,

I owe you for pointing out that line. Thanks again for the constructive crit, much appreciated. Love, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

hello Nina

I read and reread this piece and I couldn't find anything to criticise. Does that mean that I should just pass by without saying a word? Or should I make something up? I am confused about what is meant by some folk. When I like something I tell the person, when I don't like it I tell the poet why. I don't think I can do better than that. I'm always honest in my critiques and that's how I wish to be treated. Sincerely. Always, cat
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Cat,

do not be confused, please. You give really good feedback, I have seen lots of comments by you that put the finger on trouble spots. When there is no trouble spot, no need to poke people, right? I said I would appreciate constructive criticism here (I was not entirely sure if it was too "gushy" ;), and if a competent writer like you cannot find anything to construct, I am glad. Thanks, ~Nina
Candlewitch

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

=)

Thank you, Nina, for taking the time to answer my reply. (and the nice compliments, too!) I don't think your poem was too gushy, lol! Always, Cat
T

Tink

16 years 10 months ago

nina

great write. you took me back to my childhood and the times with my friends back then. I don't see where i can make any suggestions. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink
I

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Tink,

yay! So I succeeded in capturing the feeling of childhood! Thanks for the read! Much love, ~Nina