The beating

Hey Kelsey, thanks, I can understand the grammar might be better with those wee words in there, I don't know why I witheld them, I just do sometimes, it's how my heart talks to me in the dead of night perhaps... I do know I don't want to put them in still... I wonder if that's bad... am I being rebelious & naughty resisiting? I don't know... I'm not sure I've read another poet or songwriter that does this, but it is terribly familiar for me... Perhaps it's more of a song writing style? I do always apreciate the feedback though, & if you really think it's not apropriate please let me know, it just feels right this way for me... Hate you to not leave comments in future though because I didn't act on this one... I love your feedback & crits. We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Brian Thank you. Glad you found some worthy elements here, as you know, I still have much to learn & much to explore. This is a raw one written back to back with 2 others at 2am in the morning (heh, it's 3 am now!tsk tsk), but I took myself to my back room & worked through some things in those wee hours, it was a good process. & yes, as usual you have picked out some less obvious factors, there is so much in this write that is not named or has been swept over, hidden, devolved to a symbollic term or sense... It is in large a reflection, addressed to "life", the way it seems to smack one up now & then, but there are hints or even direct references to/of specific persons who have impacted my life, my ex husband, a pissed off cohort (rare for me thank goodness, so it hits me more than most perhaps), & the losses & wounds of life just being life, as I've said before somewhere, in truth it is really only problematic when we happen to get in the way. It seems strange to me that you feel this is new for me, but then I forget, I have written so solitarilly most of my life, exposing it is very new, these more personal things have not been so easy for me to expose... yes largely because I would rather play down any naming or blaming or complaint, I'd rather look for & name all the things to be grateful for & joyful about... Of course, these things have their place & perhaps (I am learning) these shadow spaces are even more powerful when shared & exposed. In a way I have you to thank for this I think. So... as always, I leave you with my gratitude & warmth born of inspiration & growth. Anni x We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Dearest Jayne Thank you for your efforts& the encouragement... I am stretching my limits here since it is now after 3 30am, & I am being very foolish staying up, since my energy has been so low since my illness, so I will get back to this. On a quick look I see I am resistant to make these tiny changes, I will have to get back to you about why, I have not read them properly though & I have no doubt at all that these are valid crits... Maybe I am a crotchety, resistant or rebellious writer when it comes to my own writing, I seem to find that when people add or change words the intent of the write does not hold the same meaning or impact for me at all... I will come back, & I do apreciate the feedback, but it may well be that you are left holding your stars my love, I am not sure I want the same thing from this poem as you might. (I wonder this of other's work also, so it isn't just my own, I feel we all bring different spices & history to our response, we could rewrite each other's work & no doubt bring new views... I always feel it's like a painting, if someone added an element that wasn't there, it would change from the original artists vision, but also I wish to be open to the perspectives of others, I feel that's important, I just have trouble with where to draw the line.)... Bit of sleep might help just now though. Thanks again Jayne Chloe, back soon, I hope, to try on these changes or others. Anni xxx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Dearest Katie I am sorry this has hit you (oh bad pun) so hard, there are indeed references to some similarities between our experiences & our history with violent spouses (God, don't you just look back & wonder who that woman was that allowed you to let yourself continue to remain?.. Of course at the time the picture is more micro & so much more complexly woven, that degradation tends to perpetuate itself, so sad... never again in my life, that's for sure! I pray the same for you, not being christian but still!). However, much of this write is also merely a reflection on how we can be flung about by life in general & how it's sad that there are some individuals who seem to feel it's a good thing to create more animosity & discomfort for others... probably out of habit & a sense of their own victimisation (maybe?), very sad way to go & uneccessary in my humble opinion. Tolerance, harmony & connectedness are balms to me, but I know I am often a minority in this respect & am sometimes shocked how venemous intent can be encouraged (in a group menatality affirmation), I don't understand it myself. Lots I still haven't "got" in life, but I do think there is wisdom in realising that you don't know it all, when I was young & felt I knew so much, I was so much more ignorant... who was it that said that thing about "the more I know, the more I know I don't know" or was that me?.. I'm sure it's been said by many a wiser person than I though, in some form or another. I do like the 2 am spills though this came in a bundle of 3, all quite powerful, that seems to be the pattern last week, happened twice, a little trio of poems burst our full of shadows & ghost wanting reawakening, illumination & in some cases reinstating. Hope this moved you along the way to healing those awful memories Katie, you seem to me such a bundle of joy & courage, I can't conceive the real truth of why anyone would want to crush that... well actually I do understand why, because of their own lack of it.. how sad huh, how nice here, where we can see things in another & celebrate it regardless of whether we have that gift or skill or not. Like you & your wonderful talent I could not even aproach, yet I love that you do... I love Neo, so many folk with a high level of integrity. Cheers Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Hey my lovely Ann, how I love to see that smiling image - I finally got hold of a decent (non commercial) didge CD for you, so now must send (I'm terrible at those things, too much goes on & things get lost in the clutter, sorry!). Wow, your write up here is so dramatic, it looks like a poem in itself as so many of your comments do... Funny isn't it... for me this write was only the echo of any drama or tragedy, the reflection on the past & the present, the putting into perspective, not so much the cacophany of it clanging in my heart or mind... far more gentle... It is always good to be made aware of how we project, how what we write reaches others... Sorry it came to you as mental havoc, it wasn't how it travelled through me. Much love dear one xxx Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

No villian dearest man, least not any more, as you note, I am mostly able to defend myself these days, though as I said to Katie, I look back sometimes & wonder who I was that let me allow such dreadful interactions (how was it I didn't just scoot after the first time, I am astounded now, seems odd!)... still these things make us who we are & it made me even more of a champion than I was in regard to others being bullied & such... so move over knighty boy, I occassionally climb aboard a lovely Clydesdale & thunder off to right a wrong or two as well... Love you in my company kind sir! You dear thing, I have no doubt you would be at my side should need arise, I doubt it ever will, in many ways, life just gets better & better. My best to you oh shining one. Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal