A taste for anonymity

Hey my lovely one, you are home... how was the holday?... Was that really 2 weeks? Lovely to see you here again, I've not been on so much myself, that's hard (chuckle). Missed you Beki, hoped you had a lovely time. Yay for gum trees, yum! I've been doing some work with an incredible woman, something like hypnotherapy, really just guided relaxation, but super amazing stuff... some amazing things have come from those sessions & of course its coming out in my writing, things I thought I just had to choose to live with, just get on with life & be happy, I thought, & there is merrit in that, but we can recreate some of our past in a more gentle way at least recreate the stories we choose as a result of things that happened to us so that those stories work for us better. Things I had difficulty addressing from my past are a little easier in this process, so I am drawn to revisit like in this work. Am looking forward to reading anything you came up with on your holiday... and seeing the gum tree hug!!! xxx~ Anni ~~~ "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.e. e. cummings~ Anni ~~~ We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experien

Not sure how you feel about tears... for me, those things are worth some tears some times & we all have stuff that takes us to a solitary place of deep, deep contemplation, this is just a big version of that... There are good endorphins in tears anyway, they can be very healing xxx & thanks ~ Anni ~~~ We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experien

Hey Gee... Ah you, I know you & the gorgeous Ann of Norway my beautiful Queen of Neo, the first here to steal my heart (if you remember long ago I named her that) have been carvorting in the proverbial court here, I hope you also remember lang before you began the sir Gee thing I suggested you were like a Knight in shining armour, which is where the scene for my "Ode" to you was set, just wanted you to know I was not stealing any thunders... not that I think you guys would be perturbed for a moment even if you did think so. Ta, as always for your sweet comments & support, love it. & don't ever compare dear Gee, we all write so differently, have so much to teach eachother & have such different histories, no-one is more valid or more worthy than another. I love to read from you & I must go look at your latest I am squeezed for time on Neo of late & it may get worse (cringe) & yes... thank you, my otter & his gorgeous pups are divine, loving, sweet, beautiful, caring & it seems as "Happy ever after" as you could imagine... more for me sometimes, lot of years of waiting for that kind of complete loving, so glad I didn't give up... As it turns out, my one concern was turned upside down recently (I worried I might crave a lover who might relate poetically)... he wrote me the most beautiful poem in Spanish the other day... so beautiful... he is used to any romance or love related elements being expressed in Spanish from all his years in Chile & Guatemala... plaus it IS the most beautiful language to speak love (or anything) in ... Am I biased?... hmm I think maybe so! Love to ya~ Anni ~~~ We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experien

Hey PINT, thanks lovely comments as always, lots to think about there... I am sure I might have worded this better... it was one of those splay writes in the moment of depth ... I write from there a lot... probably because it is often only when my being FORCES me to write that I make the time to do so... you know single mama, lots of projects & work & renovations, too many beautiful friends to keep up with as much as I'd like, & too many things in life I really want to do... ah well... could be a lot worse huh! Just a little insight re the ghosts... actually that refers to the fact that after Mark died the only people I really felt comfortable around (for me... no one else would have known this) were people who had also lost him, or people who had lost someone they loved & knew what it was like... I found I was kind of "collecting" a family of grieving folk around me, beautiful, good people with half lost hearts (these ghost were more about the ones left behind who had lost so much of their daily focus, the cetres of their care & love, I was one of them, I wanted others around), I wanted them close... felt like an alien with anyone else... only they knew how it was to be so grief laden, quietly it lasted a long time, though no one would ever have known, after a while people expect you get on with life, & you do, but your heart has a translucent quality & only those who have been there seem to REALLY know it's shape (sometimes I can tell very quickly if someone jas lost a love, there is a way of being i the world that can show up in the choices we make... Feel free to play though, I am finally, after all these years, ready to just BE with this, I never really exposed such things publically before. ~ Anni ~~~ We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experien

Dear Cat, thank you so much I hope those ghosts were beautiful, mine were... still are, love them so much.. they are a part of me... Like Neo folk have become in so many cases... Love your input thanks Cat. Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit

Hey Steven, yah, so beautiful the ocean, & wild that thing... but incredibly soothing and peaceful underneath, I used to do a lot of diving, it was so quiet & huge, but brought so perfectly to your heart with that immersion, it's like a prolonged slow motion orgasm (hope you can all deal with that... sorry if it shocks) with the same kind of intense solitary implosiveness only slowed to a softer impact, even if you are sharing the ride with someone else so to speak. This pain is relatively ancient & in a way just getting it out eased it & clarified who & how I am, so it was a good thing... seems harder on everyone else... Feel like I should apologise for that. Thanks for dropping in... kind of miss you... must catch up with what you've been up to. Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Darlin' I was actually really unhappy about that, you have been so patient waiting for your spotlit moment, I was so glad for you... thought these writes would be far too sad to go to spotlight... I guess we all relate to sadness more than we realise... But thanks for your grace & I hope you'll accept my apologies for the bump, no intention of course, I was so proud of you being there... Look forward to your next spotlight JC xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Hey gorgeous Katie Canada, thanks honey, not the ghosts that were being dislodged & it was long ago... the ghosts were people like me who were living kind of half lives after losing the loves of their lives, they were my precious lifelines actually... but yeah.. I know what you mean, I guess what you're saying is that writing so often does help us exercise the things that keep us from moving forward in so many ways... this writing was definitely a part of that... Hope to get more time this week to catch up on everyone's writing, can't wait to look at yours when I get back to all the comments I haven't had time to respond to. Love your writing Katie & your way. Cheers Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Hi Richard, yes, I agree the ghosts are important... for me they are essential & beloved, not something I want to dismiss at all... & these things that get dislodged become a resource to draw from, beautiful in fact, that's probably what you're saying as well in a different way. I think though, this write was less about shelving the memory than actually the oposite, I was finally able to pull this stuff from where I'd hid it away being a little too sensitive to explore or express, after some major changes recently I have been able to meet some of this, & I am really relieved to have embraced it, I love my ghosts, my comfort, my companions in grief, my saviours at the worst times in my life. Thanks dear Richard, for exploring with me here... it was kind of scary to put these things in a public arena, but now I wonder why I would ever be concerned... Neo is such a great place of exploration. Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Thank you lovely Chuck, I love the way you've put this... you have such a way of putting these things on screen that I find in this simple few lines you have moved me to a tear in the corner of my eye.... Lurking like your wee raccoon here! You are a delightful comfort & inspiration... your brevity & the potency of the words you choose will always make my heart bloom. I must make time to keep up with your latest.. I would invite you to tap me on the cyber shoulder when you post if you could be bothered, unfortunately my Neo time is getting even more squeezed by real life so I can't go fishing as I'd like for these beautiful creatures of verbiage. Warm gratitude Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Thank you Brian, I am always pleased if something I write seems to please you somehow, though I have to chuckle at myself wondering where the "other" bit is in your crit... warmly of course... You have spoilt me already see, I am greedy for you picking up bedraggled elements, prodding unruly shapes & exposing lazy form in my writing! I hope you read that with the commaraderie & underlying gratitude it was written with. I wrote my last 3 posts 1 of my mother & 2 relating to Mark & my response to his accident) in succession in about 20 minutes last week... they were ripe inside me... anxious for expression.. that's how change & transformation works in me. 2 days ago, I had a nocternal aberation & ended up wrestling with some inner doubts onto paper, similar, but more brutal, I would post them, but I sometimes worry that such momentary struggles come across as definitive emotional aspects (to those I have grown to care for so much here... who seem to have care for me also)... when actually the act of expressing them usually systematically releases the problematic element & I am then left with a more peaceful state, a freedom born of perspective... writing, for me is a medium... a liberating process. Encouraged by your desire to have raw expression exposed (generalising of course), I will post one now (sometimes I try to hold my posts so I get a chance to respond to the comments I am so generously & warmly gifted). I am hoping all is smooth & warm in your life by the lake with your Olya. Take care Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

As long as that light is kind & gentle & warms you, I am happy... Happier if it was an illuminating light that lead one to a brighter place or one of greater clarity... but in truth that job is best done by the self, I think my job in this life is more to remind people they can move out of shadows & that they can take the light themselves... Blah blah... sorry. Dear Anna, it would be foolish to wish your sadness away, it is an important element in all of us, I know it, & beautiful as well, it takes us places & gives us perspective. But I do wish you joy & pleasure & goodness always. Anni xxx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

Beautiful minded Professor, you make me feel like such a wayward brat!!! I loved that title when it occurred to me it suits what I was aiming for in the poem so perfectly... In my life people would wet themselves laughing to think of me as anonamous, people know me everywhere mostly ones I don't know! It's part of being a performer & a facilitator & teacher (as you would know), & being involved in many musical communities & festivals & things... But in this regard, I am unknown, only exposed on Neopoet & a handful of others at this depth & I revel in that sense of solitude it brings me. I love all my people, really I do, but I would not want this space to be crowded, often need it to be my own in it, (though it has been lovely recently to feel company in this place of old grief since MY scientist is a widow also, & his tread & presence in this place is light). I wonder why you dislike it? I am so unruly I think, to your eye, am I right Proff? I adore our contrast though, you make me smile so much & I would drive you insane as a student I think... but you'd love me as well (how cheeky is that, I am shocked at myself!). Anyway, it is so lovely to have a visit from you with your wonderful discerning ways... you know, topical as it is, you are the one I think of when I say there are poets here that are really good at giving constructive criticism without detracting from the confidence of the poet, you have a fine balance with it & are as smooth in this regard as you are with your poetry (or other things so I have read!), when I think about it, there are only one or 2 others that have that skill here on this site in my opinion, & they are too rarely active, it is a rare skill in my opinion, which is why I tend to stay on the safe side & do what I do best more often, though I do crit when the moment is right, never as eloquently as you... Perhaps (in all that spare time you must have) you should run some workshops to show folk here how to crit better!... Oh dear you want me to make my poem neat too & I want it wild & scattered like the feelings that provoked it... brutal & ancient they feel, not lovely & smooth like everything that comes from you, my King Island Professor. Damn I can't compare your write to mine so I can do the trial justice... will have to take it away to word & have a look. Why do I have such trouble with changing words, is this normal for poets? I love what you have done, but again it makes it a different story... I wrote "half-hearted" because, it refers to those who have half their heart ripped out from losing the love of their lives, I needed those people around, gathered them, stole them to myself because they were the only ones who knew what it was like to be in such constant, intense & invisible pain... Faint-hearted doesn't come near expressing that, though I see how it would, not knowing the story... God, maybe I should NOT be a poet for public consumption, there is always so much more beneath the things I write than readers could know & I like it that way, but to change the words & make it neat actually denies so much of what I want to say..... I do wish you were close in a way, I would so much love to talk this through with you... it really phases me & rocks my confidence, I feel you are so kind to spend the time & work on my poem & I love the things you do & I feel guilty because I feel to change these things you point out would betray the actual story, the sentiment & soul of what I was expressing... sigh! Oh for getting more sleep! & having a wonderful Professor close by! & these lines are so beautifully buffed ... "Choosing gravestone silence over moonstone revelry", but my point was, that most people don't know that I would choose that sacred solitude in a commonly perceived dark place, rather than jolly partying & company (well, sometimes... especially back then). Dearest Keith I DO see what you're driving at, & feel so honoured at your efforts here... I will take it away & do my best, & try to do it justice. Much warmth & gratitude & a couple of sighs, again! Anni xx We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal

I keep finding new comments & it's 5am!!! I will have to sleep on it... Keith had a prob with the title too... oh, I love it, it's the best thing about the poem I thought... Ah dear, jess, you devil, you're making them make me work (kidding, it's all good, I do appreciate it, i've always said that)... it'll have to wait til next week. Be well (oh Profs influence?) dear Nina xxx Anni We dont believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveal