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press
press
Jun 27, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Insecurity 2

Insecurity  2

Insecurity ?
Formless
Like a flog
Carrying a smell of
 envy
 jealousy 
Decaying  from love

A first date
Will decay
Long flowing  hair
Will decay
Your tight hold on life
Will decay
Looking into the mirror
At  flog
Is your fate

Decay
In growing old
When you  smell
Your fear
 Insecurity  is
Behind every
Wall 

A decay from love , adds ?

Unconscious
Question
The higher
The doubt
The higher the wall


— press, Jun 27, 2009

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Country/Region: USA

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Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Press...

I don't think this poem quite delivers the intended message. flog... to be beaten as with a whip or rod I think you meant "fog" ... a mist decaying from love... maybe, decaying without love A first date will decay long flowing hair will decay... how about changing the word to "fade" or "thin" your tight hold on life will decay... here again, for repetitions sake, this could be changed... to something like... will be questioned, or something like that... hope this was helpful... Richard