Cloudthings

Jun 23, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

The Lake Isle of my mother

What would I give you if you had a heart unencumbered with armour and walls
What would I see in that face full of winces and turning away as a small kindness falls
How could I be with you, really be present, when green eyes to hazel repel and avert
These eyes that you gave me,
my mirror,
my mother,
born of your own,
through your loss and your hurt

I tried to touch you with love and forgiveness from the earliest mem’ries I hold
Always you turned from it, nursing your guilt, suggesting “unworthy”, “too late” or “too old”

Let the brightness of this, unconditional, be the pyre for laying to rest
You gave me this beautiful life that I love, and I wanted to share from it’s best.

Many an olive branch, letter or call found me weeping and grateful, despite
You say you were poor as a parent, and all that I wanted was
NOW do these things that you might

As the shadows embrace you and fog softly follows, I wish for you comfort and joy
Things you denied yourself all through your life, might creep through now the fort is destroyed
So if I say thank you, with heart in my hands, and offer the best I reflect
It might be the bridge now for reaching your “Innisfree”, and no less than what you should expect

— Cloudthings, Jun 23, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

Geezer

17 years 1 month ago

Lady of The Lake

The sentiments expressed here, are straight from the heart. The line managment could be better,but it is a small thing. I do think it would help with the flow. You have great courage, to try and fix what she thinks is broken between you. Keep trying and someday it may happen that she has a epiphany/revelation and she will have that peace. I managed to finally assure my father,before his passing, that all was well between us, and I'm sure that when I see him again, in the next life, we will rejoice. Ever so gently, going into the night, I see now... as with a different sight. Gee.

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

wanted the lines to be the way they are, the pics & things got i

Thanks Gee. Yeah, I really wanted the lines to be the way they are, the pics & things got in the way... it worked in theory. My mother is changing, not sure if reality can do as you suggest, but with the change may come a gentleness that she disallowed I am hoping. & for me, I am realising there is more similarity than I realised, my own aversion to attracting, accepting support & assistance, love & nurturing, despite that being the aim of my life in terms of giving it out... there was resistance to receiving I have now come to address... Phew... life & grace, big ones these. It comes back to that concept of mirroring, if I want her to receive my love & care, I also should be open to receiving it as generously when it comes my way... I've come a long way I can tell you. Glad you had closure with your dad, makes a biig diff. Cheers~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o

bjp

17 years 1 month ago

Dear Anni,

I think this is an important piece as a marker. So many things are going on here: self-challenge, stylistic interruption, revelation with an audience. You anti up. It is impressive. I think this is the stellar line: "You say you were poor as a parent, and all that I wanted was NOW do these things that you might". And, typically, we do not get our wish. The other will not satisfy the want. What then? Typically, we must be the parent, to our parent and to ourselves. Will we weep that pain into the street gutter as others stare? Sometimes we must parent all just this way, at least enough to release and show allowance. Normally, such efforts do not get rewarded, just so you know. At least, not in a fashion of our choosing. It is a more miraculous experience: which means thin like a Sunday wafer and unexpected in direction. Good work, Anni. Brian

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Cheers, yesterday was a big day, this was one small tear's worth

No, you are right with these things, I don't believe in fairness or wishes I'm afraid... only in finding the gifts in what actually is... I never got my wish & now as things morph in her mind & life, I am hoping that in a lateral way that peace will come even if it wasn't real in her life (I used to mourn it so deeply, watching her pass on so much joy & goodness, satisfaction or just a chance to let go of all the guilt & ghosts & self punishment, or history of taunting judgement ... years of denying a move into a worthwhile present state... the legacy of Catholic guilt addiction contributed... the admiration of martyrdom, she just took a direction that served no - one but some fictitious promised emptiness. I used to grieve that wasted living, but it was always her choice.. As you say, years ago I realised I would have to be the one to be the parent in forgiving & accepting her "just the way she is & just the way she is not".... & yes, I see it many places of course, you can't be forced to shift in that way personally & not have it open your eyes generally, the world is full of damaged ones, reacting constantly to the ghosts they tether to themselves. What a dream it would be to soothe them all... but in so doing they would be robbed of a powerful medium to transform their own lives... Trabsformation is hollow if it is not self generated... of course you know this too. Cheers, yesterday was a big day, this was one small tear's worth. ~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o

Bonitaj

17 years 1 month ago

THE LAKE ISLE OF MY MOTHER

As a woman, a mother and one who has lived, is living through similiar Mother-daughter stuff - I find this poem incredibly touching... viscerally so! Excellent write. Just want to let you know from the Psychology forum - forgiveness of one's parent is the cornerstone of "maturity" and what we all hope for before they go! Good luck Bonita j

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Seems to me so many humans miss this small detail.... the one th

Thanks Bonita. Yeah, what a journey huh. I admit to feeling a little exhausted by it just now, but I feel it has shifted massively in a good direction, I am empty of any negativity & full of compassion for her (for most of my life now), but there is something I am missing somehow (I feel it is connection, but how can you suddenly create a connection when you were never shown how... I spend my life adopting mothers & creating family everywhere I go, but with my own, where I feel completely prohibited.... I think all I can do is just love as warmly & generously as I can through these changes, & keep giving up hoping for anything, but how it actually is. Now I sense some irony in there, heh!). There is a point when words mean nothing, or have been spoken often enough, all that is left is to love in action... Seems to me so many humans miss this small detail.... the one that means everything in the end. Cheers~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

mother

Im just missing my mother now years after she died of cancer there were words I saw her last her hands blackened from the needles search in the end they put in a morphine tube she never complained about death and never asked me to be with her at her side I stayed away in the end for the last whole year talking to her once on the telephone she was intense bright and extreme but she did love us She knitted me a sweater and when she asked "You were the one I depended on most when I got I'll" was not me being broke or not wealthy with trade but a way of asking me to be near which I failed to interpret correctly This is a great poem as you handle it with the dignity it deserves my choices I have made I live with now its a beautiful day here sunny warm a summer day this is a fine Poem Anni I am happy that you have found Love and not bitterness in your healing Your poems sustain Thank you Steven

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

I guess you have lived it all these years & know your canyons &

Dearest O' you write from such deeply carved history... then (delightfully) you perch, "like a bird on a wire" (god, there is some of you in that song I think), on the present, lightly & silently, check the view & sing the birdsong of the moment, brightly... unperturbed by the previous devastation... I guess you have lived it all these years & know your canyons & peaks. Yes, that's the trick... make our choices consciously, to avoid regreting making the choice not to make the choice even (sorry!) hope you know what I mean. I struggle that my mother wouldn't, that's all, but it should not be my struggle... always hard to know when to give up when you love someone & see them damaging themselves, but being resistant to actively amending that. Your story is different, but I am sure you understand xx~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

"And evening full of the linnet's wings"... sigh, indeed!

This is the poem my mother used to recite whistfully when I was so little... if I pestered her enough. I hear it now as I read, with her sigh's surrounding it, the the doleful look she managed constantly. No wonder I constantly do the Happy smily dance in response... poor thing even her children felt sorry for her. But here, she gave me the gift of poetry, even so young, & the love of the moon & roses.. & language. THE LAKE ISLE OF INNISFREE By William Butler Yeats I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree, And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made; Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honeybee, And live alone in the bee-loud glade. And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow, Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings; There midnight's all a-glimmer, and noon a purple glow, And evening full of the linnet's wings. I will arise and go now, for always night and day I hear the water lapping with low sounds by the shore; While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray, I hear it in the deep heart's core. 1892 ~ Anni ~~~ "Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond o

orgami

17 years ago

the rains came

thunder crashing guests visiting poetry to write and read so many taking off im struggling all the ancient of old issues just hanging on to things that should be grieved and let go hard to forget hard to remember a touching poem both you write Yours and Yeats and your mom memories its morning i am getting ready for work the manic moments come and gone the depression settling in Its all nothing new an old walk in the woods thanks for having such poems of empathy and compassion it shines in your works and poems and you do have a feirce qaulity too that is admirable must get going its a good day grab a coffee on the way Take care and thank You Anni for being you!! Your freind Orgami

Cloudthings

16 years 8 months ago

thank you for your wonderful words, as ever, I drink them & feel

Dear Theo, I can only hope this is not terrible timing... it does seem incredibly synchronous. I was tidying up my emails & have discovered some I had overlooked during a very challenging time in my life... I feel sorry I overlooked this from you, it is so wonderfully crafted, & in the light of the latest I read from you in harmony indeed... Just recently my mother finally went to a nursing home & the house she worked so hard to purchase, the symbol of her independence was sold just a week ago, a difficult transition (my sister handling it brilliantly thank goodness, smoothing the process as best can be hoped)... Anyway, thank you for your wonderful words, as ever, I drink them & feel enriched. & to you I send my warmest wishes, the bonds of mother/child can be intricate & complex, I hope yours might lay gently side by side & tangle free. Happy panda-ing Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

Cloudthings

16 years 8 months ago

I treasure your responses Theo they hold a depth & presence that

I treasure your responses Theo they hold a depth & presence that is so lucid & purposeful even those of more illusive intention... but this is particularly touching, yes, yes in so many ways. I am not surprised to hear your history, it no longer surprises me, it seems a consistent consequence, the most incredible & wonderful folk I know seem to come from very difficult childhood circumstances & have managed to turn that into a life of depth & good intention, with purpose & compassion for others having experienced such discomfort... of course there are many wonderful people who were loved & cherished, it's just a different thing... I think we recognise each other sometimes don't you? My mother's story is a little softer, it reminds me (as I am never far from) that it could always be worse... she chose martyrdom which is ironically a very selfish state I now realise... I have gone through a great many stages of emotion regarding my mother... in the end, my sister mothered us all, including my mother, & she is the one providing daily care & helping ease the transition of my mother's independence from her own solitary living to nursing home... it is more comfortable than the one you describe though, an element of Inisfree in fact, she has a creek outside her window & the small children cross a nearby bridge to get to school each morning with native trees & flora around her, so she has some comfort & is relatively happy, certainly better off than alone, she is not so social, but eats better there & memory loss is not as problematic etc. I am so touched at your story though, the compassion you have found is such a gift really to all of you, everyone will benefit from it & the relationship with your own children will be enriched by it also... of course you will know that, I am stating the obvious, but I am so glad for you, healing is a tricky road, but so very worth it. I wanted all my life to give something to my mother, to help her give things to herself, she blocked these things & I always felt pushed away, I care for her but sadly I feel the connection does not have the intimacy I wish she might know because of the comfort it brings, I feel for her living without that deep trust & connection... I know in the end we are all alone, but life is so beautiful sung in harmony. I do hope you are able to navigate your way through this process with some joy & some comfort shared with your mother... I have found with the lapse of her control there is a bridge to my mother, if I can find places of comfort she remebers we can relate there like we actually never had access to before, memories of her garden & poetry such as Inisfree, questions about the more pleasant childhood aspects she remembers. hopefully this is a nicer way to spend your later days, phone calls used to be strained... (my family had very sad peculiarities also... I actually wonder if there were many families that were not so dysfunctional in that era), now they are quite pleasant & she even laughs & seems happy in their midst, it is a huge relief... hence this poem has come to be a prophecy fulfilled actually, not in an ideal way since her mind is altered & will probably continue to be so as time goes on, but there is a peace she never allowed herself with that loosening of control. I hope you are able to find such a place for some positive with your own circumstance Theo... I feel you are an amazing soul. Cheers Anni~ "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace". H.H. the Dalai Lama

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