A Day In New York

All ya need to do is amend 'protected', as it has a couple extra letters. I so love this poem, especially after the revisions. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Flying so high, trying to remember How many cigarettes did I bring along? When I get down, I'll jump in a taxi-cab Driving through London-town to cry you a song..." - Jethro Tull

Hey paul, Jessica is right, the revisions made this poem much better, which says something, as the poem was good before hand too. I've never been to NY, but you really capture the city feel in this. Well written, Greek boy. Peace love n hugs Katie

I've never been to the "big city", but I've been close... lived in New Jersey for a few years, near Philadelphia... city life is much different than the way I live now. New York is famous for its diverse happenings and I think you've captured some of the flavor in this write of yours... one thing, the use of caps... they aren't needed in many of the beginning sentences, sort of slows the reader down a bit when it's completing a previous thought... merely an observation, a good write... enjoyed reading it. Richard

Never been to New York but from Sim games U tube photos movies etc I have an idea and documentaries like Sand Hogs and reading about the great aqueduct system underground New Amsterdam of New Holland in or around New York in 1555 or after was where my adopted family was from In gangs of New York "Schermerhorn" is a prominent man who tours the corner They moved north for free land grants in 1850's in Canada dutch peoples of course Nice family name still Schamehorn up here because of a misspellin by official back in the day and it was just easier to not travel hundred miles to correct Do they sell pretzels on carts and those chestnuts too it looks like a great city to visit though Hudson and the bridges so beautiful

Really like it.......I can feel the energy. Dina Grey

Paul - I must approach this from two perspectives: 1st., as a Poem, this "free verse" (apropos consistent with the tenor of the subject, which you incorporate into the text) captures the essence of the variegation of Manhattan (the city), et al. This said, my immediate criticism (& one which I have been utilizing nearly-ubiquitously with "modern" Poets) is to advocate the attention to "economic" Writing, for example: Crippled by sound the City rush hour sun glistens watches over A city lost in routine which leaves no time for self-discovery This, of course is not meant to ReWrite you Poem, but simply as an illustration re: superfluities. Much of what I "eliminated" was already implied/tacit in the text. I like the comma-less motif (Proust, & D.H. Lawrence were infamous for, literally, page-upon-page [Proust, in "Swann's Way," a 34 page sentence, I believe] of simple complexities, as such ); It matters-not, Poetry or Prose, the key to "efficient" Writing is to take the Reader on a propelling/compelling journey, yet one which enables the imagination, to wit, what is NOT said equally-or-more-important. 2nd: My contextual perspective on "Manhattan" is depicted in "Stuyvesantowne," the 1st. Poem, ironically, I Posted to Neopoet, & perhaps what has drawn me to review yours. (http://www.neopoet.com/node/22993), if you're interested. Actually, I've another of a similar, draconian ilk which might intrigue, perhaps to Post forthwith, as the "Manhattan" stage has been broached (breached?). I apologize for the double-spacing; It has taken awhile (& yet I am not privy to the "economy" formatting) to reconfigure the later Works here; this one I have not found the time to alter. Perhaps you might clue to the protocol, I put this out, but none to date has responded, TY. Hope this has served to bring another awareness to your Writing, to avoid the over-use of redundant "connectors," & allow the Piece to "breathe" of its own energy; & if I have over-stepped propriety, my apology - H'H./H.e.m.

I am a small town country boy, but the big city can be exciting with a little of everything. Not that I know that much about it. I've only been exposed to Houston, New Orleans, Memphis, Little Rock and Mobile and of course Atlanta. You made it sound very compelling. Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

this is the last one I am going to read and comment on tonight. You know I am not a poet, well just starting to see if I might be able to do it. But I feel in all the works of yours I have read that as beautifully written and crafted as they are, you were not present. I want a poet to speak to me from their own heart, mind and soul. I don't know if I have the courage or generosity to do it. But you are a poet, can you find the place to make your works acts of love, instead of serious-minded, socially conscious products? May I be so brash, even impertinent, as to ask what is holding you back? You have all the skills kind regards, Jean, meow, yip, purr, yowl and perfect body language of approval, contempt or demand

love this