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Silenced

Not twinkle in the dark sky.
Never a light in the dark.
I can't even see my hands.
No one can hear me.
No one around to listen to me.
There is nobody awake to listen
or hear me. My tongue is lost
in the pitch of night.

In society, I am not beating.
I am screaming in the ebony
of the nocturnal world. I'm
horrified by the soote of the
darkness. I swing my arms
at the darkness, but to no
profit. I want to engorge the
wickedness unbroken.

I try to lacerate this silence
with my onyx knife. I did not
succeed. A bleeding cord
appears from the inside of
the darkness. I begin to believe
that this silence is just too
loud for anyone, including
me can respect.

A silence, ghastly to the point of wickedness!
— Pixee, Jun 17, 2009

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Critiques

Geezer

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

Sileneced

Pixee,you are doing so great! I see you have come a long ways with your poetry. I might try swinging my arms at the darkness,to no avail,[instead of to no profit] and I think you meant;[I want to engage the wickedness unbroken]. You leave the 'bleeding cord' hanging,and I want know if you meant to cut it,but couldn't. Overall,very good. Keep it up. Gee.
Pixee

Pixee

16 years 11 months ago

Thank you Geezer!

I appreciate you taking the time to read and critique my poem. I agree with you on 'avail' instead of 'profit'. It does sound better when it comes from you. As for the cord,I tried to cut it but couldn't. You have a great eye,you really do know your poems. Thank you for your encouragement on my poems are getting better, that means a lot to me. It tells me that reading posted poems, and getting involved with the chats, seem to be working for me slowly but surely. Thank you again Geezer, maybe someday I will be as good as you. It will take time, but I am slowly moving up. Thank you again, my friend!! Friends, Pixee
Geezer

Geezer

16 years 11 months ago

Silenced

Maybe someday I'll be as good as you think I am. I really mean it when I say I have seen a big improvement in your writing,and you are right to say that [we]improve through interaction with our fellow poets,and the truly great ones here at neopoet. I look forward to the next of your work.Gee
Seren

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Pixie I really like this but

Pixie I really like this but there were a couple of spots that I lost the rhythm so not sure if its me or the poem I am very tired today so I will get back to this one when i am a little sharper .. Much Love Jayne x
Pixee

Pixee

16 years 11 months ago

I wll be here!

Thank you for starting anyway. I will be here. Thank you for reading it for starts. Take care and I'll read you later. Your Friend, Pixee