The Annual Prom

1.

there's a bucketful of cherries
in the ice cream
at the Sloan-Kettering Annual Prom

the children of the Cancer Ward
dance

while
we grown-ups fall apart.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/06/16/earlyshow/health/main5091606.shtml

2

For the most part
Children in cancer wards
Are like all children
They laugh
And play tricks on each other

But when any parent comes
Into the room
All the children
Become very quiet
And honor the sense of loss

— Kailashana, Jun 16, 2009

Critiques

Skumpfsklub

17 years 1 month ago

I don't hate it

Its matter-of-fact observation of the differences between the juvenile and the adult perspective is worthily made. The cherries-in-the-ice-cream observation is colored thereby. Juvenile and adult both mark the plentitude of fruit; how it matters differs. The kids are pleased by that extravagance--and they end the evaluation at that point; the adult perspective, that is authorial, sees more and questions the propriety of it. Where's the problem? What wants fixing, or what wants emphasis, or qualification? At this point in my review, I'm at a crux: I can let it go as is, as your poem HAS made its point plainly enough. Or, I can suggest that it be expanded slightly, with a phrase or two to flag those differences (juvenile vs. adult) for the more cautious interpreters of the piece; e.g., following 'dance,' adding 'and lick the sweetness from their lips', and following 'grownups,' adding 'abstaining from pleasant tastes'. I make the suggestion--but I'm prepared to see it rejected. The piece may serve your true purpose perfectly, as is. Perry

Kailashana

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Perry, I’m a woman of

Hi Perry, I'm a woman of few words mostly, revel in what is left unsaid, how the reader fills in his/her own blanks________________ as you just did. Does it make good poetry worthy of 5 stars, apparently not? lol. However, I'm a nondualist, a neti-neti type and I see more in absence then presence, unless I'm writing about drugs sex and rock, politics, nature and heartache. O wait! Perhaps I've misdiagnosed myself. Thanks for this dialogue, I always enjoy that er this. ~A "You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics." Charles Bukowski

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Anna....

S-K foundation is such a great cause. My respect for you just grew tenfold. I agree with Perry - the contrast between young and old was good, yet I couldn't help but to feel that this could be developed just a smidge more. Pretty please with a cherry on top? =) Love ya, girlie. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "Sprawling on the fringes of the city in geometric order an insulated border in between the bright lights and the far un-lit unknown" - Rush

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Anna...

well I thought it was complete... shows how the young are enjoying their moments with the acceptance that we should, but we grown-ups get bogged down with all the shit that hasn't yet happened... seeing much can be a depressive place. as to the question, are poets parasites?... I think we all are to a certain extent... you don't have to be a poet to know it. I can remember taking little things from different people in my life... mannerisms, habits, styles... and ways of speaking... Richard

Kailashana

17 years 1 month ago

Lol. 3 stars, 4 stars, 5

Lol. 3 stars, 4 stars, 5 stars, one potato, two potato, ;-) Thanks Richard. We're always on the same page, now get off my cloud!! Seriously, we think we are sooooooooooooooo separate, but everything we have ever heard, read, felt, experienced is the same as everyone else. It's all just a little variation on the theme of life, no more, no less. And we get so bogged down by geography, sex, sexual persuasion, religion, education, ethnicity, politics, intelligence, etc. Those are incidents of birth. I could have been *you*. One's child in a cancer ward is an immediate cognizance that we all suffer the same. Love. ~A "You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics." Charles Bukowski

weirdelf

17 years 1 month ago

What is unsaid is here,

What is unsaid is here, as usual, most potent. You are cheerfully deadly, my dear I love that in you Jess

Kailashana

17 years 1 month ago

“Cheerfully deadly”,

"Cheerfully deadly", I'll have to make a note on that. Anna note: Note *cheerfully deadly*. I love that you recognize us. ~A "There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic." Anais Nin

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