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A
Abi
Jun 13, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Im gone

All i have to say is that i love youbut its all in what I have to doever since we said goodbyeall I wanted to do is dieand get get out of this big lie Ever since we splitall I can do is grab a blade and slitsee all of my blood - dark redand me lying on my bedcan you tell that im not breathing ? You said i acted childishyou said all I wanted to do is playbut now you see me here as I just layjust laying her with my vains splitall because without you I feel like some shit I hope that now youre happybecause now im donemy light has shoneand im gone. 


 

— Abi, Jun 13, 2009

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A

Arrow

16 years 11 months ago

Gracious.

Reading this makes me think the speaker wants to yell and I've never heard anyone yell from the pain of rejection in rhyme. It seems to be not the best form for your content. I would consider revising this into an unrhymed form, more like your last stanza, which I think is your strongest.
P

paparazii

16 years 11 months ago

Lovely

It really took me to a place i've been b4 and all came back, and all i had to do was to smile and i said to myslef---hush, little boy, it's all good, it's all passed. There's nothing there left of you, but your self destiny to fight for. Love has colours Abi, some of them are deceitful, they're so cunning, so sweet to the eye, but latter on you can find out that what was green is actually red--resembling---DANGER. Pleasant days and good nights