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A
Abi
Jun 12, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

I give you a black rose

I give you a black rose
so you know all of my sorrow
so that you know I will not be there tomorrow
you shot through my heart using arrows and bows
and this is why I give you a black rose
because you hurt me
and all I ask is if thats the way you wanted it to be?

I used to cry at night
because you were not there to hug me real tight
this is why I give you a black rose
because you were the one I had chose
look and see how many tears I have shed
all because you were not there in my bed

but at the end you lose more then me !
look how I cry these tears are for you
all because you're not my boo
but at the end all is forgoten
because you're the one left to rotten

- and this is why I give you a black rose
because it is all because of you that now i have a little black heart.
— Abi, Jun 12, 2009

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Morgana Tragic Proprietress

Morgana Tragic…

16 years 12 months ago

Hey Abi

I love the image of the black rose in comparision with heartbreak and sorrow. I did find some spelling errors (thrugh=through, manny=many,loose=lose, ur=you're) Slang is really not something used in poetry much, better off using the real words instead of slang, other wise it will seem a little amature. And you should be capitilizing your "I's", it is a picky little grammer thing. Lastly, a suggestion. The line "so you know all of sorrow", should it maybe be "so all you know of is my sorrow"? Maybe flow a bit better, I foundit stumbled a bit right there. Otherwise, well done for a young poet. I love how you incorporated imagery, that always gets better the more you write. So keep writing and you'll continue to grow as a writer. A good first posting though. Peace n Love Katie
A

Abi

16 years 12 months ago

Thank you

Hey thank you for the corrections I apreciate that Thank you verry much
D

Dalton

16 years 6 months ago

Dear Abi

This is a loving yet naive write, and I don't mean that as a criticism by any means. probably the wrong word, what I mean is it has a certain childlike innocence, as if the poet has a wise head on young shoulders, the recurring theme of the black rose is extremely effective, the only criticism would be that it somehow needs just tweaking slightly, but I don't quite know how. The main theme however you should be very proud of. Love John.