infinite_dwarf

Jun 11, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

Snapshot (mild adult content)

Unfettered, unabashed arousal
of heat-infused, sweat-soaked bodies
intertwined loosely
coupling together, drifting apart
Cataclysmic tumbling
of mind, spirit, and body
plunging into exquisite oblivion...

— infinite_dwarf, Jun 11, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: North Carolina, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: E.A. Poe, Lewis Carroll, Charles Bukowski, Michael McClure, Lawrence Ferlenghetti.

Critiques

leonard daranjo

17 years 1 month ago

Nina - Great Poetry

I absolutely love the play on words, the brevity, the power. The last three lines bowled me over. Leonard

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks, Leonard

But I'm not Nina =) ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

leonard daranjo

17 years 1 month ago

Sorry Jess

Was a slip. Leonard

anasta zia

17 years 1 month ago

Dear Jess,

Unfettered, unabashed poetry. I think it is wonderful that you wrote this poem. And I love the opening line, if that wasn't clear. Do please keep writing with this kind of desire. Adios, anasta zia

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Thankyou

I tend to write in this vein only when truly inspired - not to mention that it deviates greatly from my 'normal' mode of writing. Most of my writes on the subject are from a highly personal level, and are meant for the eyes of only certain people. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Thanks for stopping by. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

professor

17 years 1 month ago

An exquisite passionate cameo Jess

I only had a slight problem with the second line because it is slightly unclear whether heat refers to the bodies or the arousal or both. Perhaps it could either be: "Unfettered, unabashed arousal of heat-shocked, sweat-soaked bodies" or "Unfettered, unabashed arousal in the heat of sweat-soaked bodies" or "Unfettered, unabashed arousal; heat of sweat-soaked bodies" All the best Keith

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

All of the above? =)

As always, I am appreciative of your thoughts and suggestions. To be honest, I wasn't 100% sold on that line either, but at the moment, couldn't think of a better way of putting it. I'll make an adjustment when I have a little more free time. Thank you for your observations. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Made the adjustment

Though I had thought of something different than what you'd suggested. I hope the line works better now - let me know if it doesn't. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Jess

I too liked your snapshot... but agree with the professor on the line pointed out... perhaps changing "heat to heated" would make it work a bit better... there was another line... "drifting apart", I see where it is going, but... maybe something about the "hunger" there would make it stronger... only a suggestion... good to see you posting... Richard

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks, Rich!

Yes, my muse seems to have a lot to say as of late, bossy little thing! I've conceded to the fact that the second line needs a little work. I'm not sure how I would improve the line you mentioned without wandering outside the confines of my 'mild' disclaimer. I'll have to give it some thought. Thanks again, friend. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

Candlewitch

17 years 1 month ago

=0

A mental snapshot... yes indeedy! Great imagery! Thanks, I needed that! I wrote something similar a few years back. I will have to dig it up and share it with you. Always, Cat

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Cat

Ahh, well happy it worked for you then. Yes, please do resurrect your work - I'd love to read it. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

Kailashana

17 years 1 month ago

How it could be a *just

How it could be a *just mental snapshot* when it is felt through the mind body and soul? Tender, far-reaching poem, Jess. "Sometimes words is all I have to give my heart away." Bee Gees Smiles, Anna "You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics." Charles Bukowski

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks, Anna

I guess what I had meant was that there was no real reason behind the write. Still and all, I thank you for the visit and comments, but feel obligated to correct the lyrics: " It's only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away..." - Bee Gees ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd

Kailashana

17 years 1 month ago

Yes, you are right, that is

Yes, you are right, that is the accurate lyric, I am duly corrected. And now I'll remind you "a mental snapshot, nothing more, nothing less", is reason enough, eh? ~A "You begin saving the world by saving one person at a time; all else is grandiose romanticism or politics." Charles Bukowski

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