Mind Expansion

Where the fuck do I even begin?
The World, my head, the rotation around the sun, we all spin
thoughts sometimes run wild, they don't listen
It's crazy the shit in life we all know, it's all given
But it always seems for some reason
No matter how rich a person
The human mind can still build more horrible diversion
Even within itself always need to be learning
Always needing always yearning
What the fuck my mind is gurgling
Flipping, flopping, tossing, and turning
I cant believe the sensation, my MIND is burning
Waking up to the next good morning
Such a great day, the day my mind started souring
Ever since bright and glowing
I don't need to always be the one thats knowing
But be happy with what is given and never stop glowing
Respect everyone and everything because they are the ones giving

Used to float on a cloud
So high and mighty above the crowed
Living so high in the know
My speech so impeccable when I speak my lips glow
But after some time
Realization came deep within the mind
This cloud I float on does not exist
It is a mere mar rage to live in bliss
But now I know
The fact everyone, and everything is equal
So while you live on your clouds
Judging, discriminating, and hating out loud
I will live equally with my roots deep underground
Just my eyes and years above for sight and sound
Taking everything in and never causing a frown
Like the smell of blood on the nose of a hound
Stimulation caused by conditioning to survive from governmental sounds

Metaphorically I calculate these rhymes that seep into your soul it's a monopoly
When my pen bleeds there's no stopping me
the state of this Earth changing so rapidly
Things change instantly
time - created by man so mathmaticly
Lock down in the penetentery
locked down for life eternity
The way things should not be
faulting individuals for the problems of society
how can nobody see
the influences our enviorment plays its not insanity
so I'm asking for change quickley
a change of mind set, set by society
change to a way in where everyone is equal - yes it could be

— mdehe, Jun 11, 2009

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About the Author

Critiques

Skumpfsklub

16 years 11 months ago

I'll go directly to the theme,

"If the world did things my way, everything would be great!", which has been done to death. There's nothin' new in this piece, no fresh vision, no especially memorable lines to carry the theme into the understanding of those who haven't already been on (and abandoned) the ground whence this piece cometh. It does not stir my revolutionary embers to a revitalized blaze, and I see no Phoenices rising from those old, cold ashes. Your use of rhyme, though isn't bad at all; it shows promise of development soon fuller than my own in that particular rhyming pattern. This is 'granny couplet' stuff, written with flexibility; it isn't 'strictly rhyming couplets', but varies couplets with triplets, etc. And the rhymes---apparently by design, which is refreshing---usually link your ideas as I suppose rhyme should function (aside from rhyme's mnemonic function, that I hold paramount). Let me summarize: this poem withered on the lonely list because thematically, it's a flaccid thing. Kinda used-up, poetically. It would be a good theme to tackle with fresh metaphor. And good luck there! I'm gettin' NOTHIN' on my side of that boat. Perry

mdehe

16 years 11 months ago

I don't

think you necessarily understood what I was trying to convey. Nothing about how the world would be great if things were done my way. Just exemplifying the idea that ignorance is bliss, and the transformation of my thoughts from blissful and ignorant to blissful and enjoying other sides to life. As well just touch on the fact that ignorance is and has lead for a long time to the imprisonment of a human life and the blaming of individuals for the problems of society.