Violin concerto ...

how about "Symphony" for a title? You are describing a whole orchestra here, and very intriguingly, too. However, I am not so sure about arranging it in just one stanza. Maybe you can rearrange it? I feel it would add to this piece's magic if it came in four line stanzas. Yours, ~Nina

which i much enjoyed although i felt it needed to flow better with the sound of your music...so this is how it sounded to me....with punctuation lol Echoes that rebound on walls of night mist, floating on sound, chance not to be missed. A concerto infused, glistened in stars, notes hanging gently cradled in bars. Mythical muse transcribing the sheet, floats into them, softly they meet. A Soprano-pure heart keening a sorrow wrung from the strings no wish for tomorrow Merging their souls, vibrating as one, this rhythm has beat, no need for the drum. Majestic wavelets soothing the soul, wanting for nothing but a musical scroll. Lodestar to fifths vitulas pure form, builds to crescendo bowing pure storm. Wreathed in dripped tears cried from their love, wrung in the music reigned from above Stretched out at length to its final ascend, sound has now found its refrain to transcend. Euphoria the silence that levels the night, wings striking softly in musical flight. Hope you see what i mean. Love Keith x

I liked the professors ideas too, but I had one for the first stanza... floating this sound chanced not missed ... or even " and not missed" the line seperation would show the stop... just an idea... loved the theme and you had some great lines in this one... Richard

Wow, your fine descriptive words really bring the music to life. I swear I could hear the music as I read this beautiful piece! You are a wonderful and skillful wordsmith! Keep up the great work. Always, Cat

Jayne, I rise and fall with the music of this, your hard work editing this one has definitely been worth it, this final piece I have just read is great. :) It builds me up and then lowers me gently, only to take me soaring once more, a lovely ride, much love b xx

I am pleased to see you working with music metaphors and so much "elbow grease," as it once was called. My favourite lines are: on walls of night mist, A concerto infused, notes hanging gently cradled in bars. A Soprano-pure heart keening a sorrow wrung from the strings this rhythm has beat, no need for the drum. to fifths crescendo bowed in pure storm. wrung in the music Euphoria the silence that levels the night, Part of the trouble when focusing a whole poem around thematic metaphors is the difficulty in avoiding it being too obvious: i.e. the reader just waiting for the next metaphorical note and ready to measure it against the last. Sometimes the metaphor train, pulling a long load, just runs out of steam. There are other images to use sparingly, which I have tried to avoid saying too much about because they seem very dear to you: star, moon, soul, stardust, star-anything, moon-anything, any combination of these metaphors. They tend to be overdone and if you force yourself to put them on the near verboten list then you will force yourself to be more innovative and creative. Having said all these things, I do think that you are making good choices mixing the familiar with the novel so that you have touchstones as you move along. Affectionately, Brian

I loved it. The violin is my favorite instrument and I have one myself. My husband bought it for me for Christmas one year. I can't play, but I sure do love to here them play. I love your poem. It had a great rhym to it. I'm not to good at critiqueing but I do try my best. I could put myself there and here the violin play. Love to my heart and music to my ears. Wonderful job Serene!! Your Friend, Pixee

what a work in progress this one has become! I like your last version, it is somehow more tightly knit than the original one. Love, ~Nina