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Track To My Future

I rested with salvation
an ode to a memory
that I'm not ready to forget
waiting its return
from the track to my future
my bowl of inspiration
falling like a chandelier
our paths have crossed
like ships in the night
disappeared into thin air
to return with a vengeance
a stringed instrument
is patted to appease creativity
the dry tears fall
to the collapsing sound
of heartbeats broken
hard copies are made
from the unfinished poem
the aroma was a failure
the abuse was forlorn
and the memory incomplete


I misplaced it
but found my inspiration
under the bath mat.

About This Poem

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Country/Region: AUS

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Comments

I

Ink Dragon

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Fleur,

I really enjoyed this piece, and got a chuckle out of your last line. I excel at misplacing things, and sometimes it feels like I misplaced my inspiration, too. Maybe I should look under my bath mat... There is one line that I think could be improved, l.3. Please consider changing "awaiting" to "waiting", I think it would flow smoother then. Oh, and it should be "its return" if you are saying that the return you are waiting for is the memory's. Yours, ~Nina
Fleur MacDonald

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 11 months ago

Yes Nina,

it does flow better with the changes. The whole inspiration thing for me is huge. Now days I can write while I'm painting, I always have a note book next to the easle. It has been a struggle to get to this point but it makes me a lot happier. Although I still have to check the bath mat every now and then! And thank you for your comments and glad you had a chuckle. :)fleur
N

Nate Thoreson

16 years 11 months ago

Nice job

Really enjoyed the tightness of this poem. The last few lines are key! I had to read it a few times to really get the big picture, but that made it even more enjoyable (slow learner). I can hear this one as a song for sure! This is one that will be a pleasure to read over and over, especially when I am "patting the stringed instrument" myself!!
N

Nate Thoreson

16 years 11 months ago

Nice job

Really enjoyed the tightness of this poem. The last few lines are key! I had to read it a few times to really get the big picture, but that made it even more enjoyable (slow learner). I can hear this one as a song for sure! This is one that will be a pleasure to read over and over, especially when the "dry tears fall"
N

Nate Thoreson

16 years 11 months ago

Choose door number two...

sorry for the two comments..I thought the first one sounded a bit strange :) Please ignore lol
Fleur MacDonald

Fleur MacDonald

16 years 11 months ago

Not strange to

me. I'm glad you enjoyed it. My Bass was feeling neglected till I mentioned her in 2 poems. But I need to spend some time with her to stop me from sounding shit. I'm also on myspace but not with music, with my paintings. Some of my war poems have paintings that go with them. Next time on myspace I will check you out! Thanks for reading!! :)fleur