Another Goodbye

something like: Time won’t stand still As thoughts race As emotions knock On the heart’s door Also, I think the poem would be stronger without the second stanza although I'm having some difficulty articulating why. I think there's a strong poem in here if you could weed out the self-directed questionning and pep talks. Does that make sense? I thought these lines were excellent: Fool is the one/That loses his queen/To his very pride.

I must agree with arrow on the first person this is so very sad, and yet it still loses something in the second stanza be more forceful here and give it the punch it deserves perhaps something like A jewel should be treasured Not lost Try to make it through This One might do But at what cost or something along those lines Chrys

I have to agree with Chrys and Arrow the first person does loose something in the second stanza but its still a lovely write though sad ... I like chrys suggestions for giving it a punch ;) Love and regard Jayne x

Well, greek boy, another well done piece. I'm back and forth on the second stanza myself, I don't think you should get rid of it entirely but it has potential to be a stronger stanza...heres a suggestion: "It simply can't be true I ever thought I'd lose you The road you take is truly Your decision to make But just how far would you go?" Purely a suggestion, my friend. But I do love the second last stanza, it's emotional and honest. Like I said when we discussed this one, I'm not a romantic, but this is quite well done. Peace, love n hugs Katie

"Fool is the one, That loses his Queen to his very pride" This i think applies to both genders. A sad yet thought provoking piece. Nicely done. Regards Feebie (Jill) Mistakes happen, do not dwell on them, live them, mourn them and move on to better things. (PS: if that does not work eat lots and lots of chocolate)