Seren

Jun 04, 2009 ⭐ See this poem's read count — a supporter feature

The Lorilee's Lullaby

Under the crest of a wing
brushed by her mane,
I knelt in her glory
told her my name
When the Lorilee
did sing ,
reverberating round
the beauty and wonder
of the purest sound
Hearing distorts
all but her voice
in this , really,
I had no choice
Her eyes like a balm
healing my soul,
mist flowing off
like the top of a knoll
Divinities beauty
fantastic form,
turning to fury
in a demons storm
Calm though she is
upset her I did not,
till I knew her more
find out whats her plot
Why do I feel glee ?
look all around,
no sound can be heard
just this feeling free

Whispering in the mist
“My Child this is Eternity”

— Seren, Jun 04, 2009

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Candlewitch

17 years 1 month ago

:)

I found this piece to be simply spellbinding, it captured and held my rapt attention all the way to the end and left me wanting more. Always, Cat

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

Cat ...

Thank you so much hugz ... Its not one of my best to be honest .. have been in the weirdest moods writing lately and don't seem to be writing much of use , but I will plod on as It gives me a purpose at the moment and my passion now is writing a decent poem or two :) much love and regard Jayne x x

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

Big Smiles !!!!!

lmao .... I might write a spell to draw you back ... maybe there is a little witch in me yet .... love you :D Love and Light Jayne x

greeneyes

17 years 1 month ago

your new fan

Wow, im a big book buyer and your stuff is something i would buy in barnes and noble to add to my vast collection.

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

Awwww hugz just that you

Awwww hugz just that you like them is enough , thank you so much for your wonderful compliments ... much love Jayne x x

Ink Dragon

17 years 1 month ago

Lorilee, the siren...

the rock that overlooks the river Rhine... I've been there... Magic... There is a famous song about her that starts: "I don't know what it means that I am feeling so sad/a fairytale from ancient times will not go out of my head" (freely translated). Jay, this is a beautiful fairytale poem. I can see you have tried to keep the number of syllables per line at a balance, but I think that some lines do not exactly profit from this. E.g. ll.11/12 "in this, really,/I had no choice" would read better as "in this, I was/ completely without choice", I think. Nonetheless, this has taken me away from my room and the greyness of the sky in front of my window. Yours, ~Nina

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

Nina ...

I think you may have a little witch in you darlin ... that one line you mentioned .. had bothered me very much ... so I hope you don't mind im going to steal that idea , it flows so much better ... I am glad I took you away from your grey , as thats what I try to do for myself ... Having been sick for sometime I try to write stuff that lifts ... and I have a fantastical heart I guess I love anything mythical ... Hugz Thanks for the help and comment as always you inspire me I often read your work , you are fast becoming a favourite of mine ... much love Jayne x x x

Ink Dragon

17 years 1 month ago

Hi again, Jay,

have just dug up a link to the original poem/song. There is also a translation into English, so you can read it without having to learn German first. http://ingeb.org/Lieder/ichweiss.html Yours, ~Nina P.S. Glad you liked the changes I proposed.

Seren

17 years 1 month ago

Nina … I have never read

Nina ... I have never read that poem ... though when I was little I heard a story , about the lorilee's song ... and after reading that .... wow thats poetry , I really dont have the words to describe how much I loved that ... she sings to me ... One of the things I love most about Neopoet is the fact I have access to poetry ? I would never have read otherwise ... a true joy for someone like me that finds comfort in words ... Thank you for taking the time to share with me I really appreciated it so much ... Much love Jayne x x

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