Forest Of Never

awesome stuff....lil ol' you haha 5 stars also like a punch in the face...BAM <3

Loved this so much, but you lost me at the end, the last 2 stanzas. Might be that I am deleriously tired I best come back then when I'm not ... it's great stuff though xx~ Anni ~~~ "The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself" Henry Miller

questions, if I may be so unreasonably rude: --- as to The forest Of never Beckons to me (1) Did you intend that Of be capitalized in this first line? --- as to The forest alive it maybe but not aware of Lil Ol’ me (2) How about may be for maybe? --- as to Like a moth to a lamp was I to never an thus will be paired like this forever … (3) An thus? Do you mean and thus? --- Yours as usual/always, Chuck Nitpicker (my Native American moniker)

I have a number of individual comments. Firstly, the title, "Forest of Never", really sets up the last stanza and is very creative. There is a tense change from past to present in the following stanza. You may consider putting all in the present tense: "the forest/ whispers/ shuffles and snorts/". All the way the forest whispered shuffled and snorts angry to ear like a cold retort "Lil Ol' me", from the below quoted stanza, is traditionally the nomenclature of someone purposely underplaying their importance, and thereby encouraging/demanding the listener to see their importance. It is also a kind of siren song, said by the like's of Marilyn Monroe (as if before the next conquest and discard) or May West (who liked to cut men down to her own very diminutive size, with or without any co-mingling). The problem using it in poem is that it risks one of a few things: a) it imbibes the poem with the counter-attractiveness of a false come-on; b) it attempts to do the poem's own work, and thereby undermines the poem's ability to impress us with its more subtle sophistication and elegance; or, c) it may leave the writer in the position that the whole poem needs to be aggressive, coy, or working around these notions. The forest alive it maybe but not aware of Lil Ol’ me The last stanza is quite intriguing. The first phrase "Like a moth to a lamp was I to never" is a very creative direction, a twist on the somewhat cliched moth/lamp metaphor, although it seems to need just a touch more info to really hook the reader into an implication. Perhaps "never" should be capitalized here, like it was a place-name. The phrase, "an [meaning "and" or an accent, is unclear] thus will be paired like this forever", leaves the impression that you remain paired like a moth to a flame, which is a very neat method of grabbing the reader's attention and at the same time concluding the poem. Like a moth to a lamp was I to never an thus will be paired like this forever … Depending on the stance you take with some of the above items, you may wish to subtle down the rhyming. I do hope that you find these comments useful. with affection, Brian

I agree with Anni as I don't understand the ending and it made me feel so sad all of a sudden that I couldn't. Wistful wonder a dream in a forest, I know the feeling as I am in one nearly every day and they are magic at changing atmospheres when one least expects it, the sun is covered by a cluod and one is plunged into an abyss of darkness, the birds suddenly stop singing, even though they like the grey weather for their best arias, and all becomes mysterious as if the branches were arms and the tallest trees are whispering behind ones back, way up the at the very top many metres up into the blue, now grey sky. You tread on a branch and all the invisible animals stop dead, you have sent the message of the woods to all creatures, the crack of dry wood. Ones hairs can stand on end at less. All the while the forest ignorant of our imagination is quietly going about her everyday happenings like a strange and beautiful art exhibition, ever changing at evey moment. We relax and just watch her moods and are happy that she exists as she is, wild, untamed nature. Like a moth
 to a lamp
 was I to never 
an thus
 will be paired
......................................sliced off you- cut or shaved..was this the word you meant? ...........................................................Or twinned? In two bits? like this forever … No I give up I think you must do something with this last section that I cannot understand and which should round off the poem with just that understanding. Did you never come back? Dear Seren from Ann of Norway

Please, as there is a lovely feeling and poem in here we must help if you like, but not from me tonight as its late here now. Love Ann of Norway

The forest Of never 
Beckons to me 
branches waving 
(like the sea)...........................as in the deep sea Curious to see
 what lay within
 I laid down my pack 
And wandered in 
round a boulder
 through a vale 
I did walk......................in the pale of the moon
(as moon paled) All the way................along the way
 the forest
 whispered
 shuffled and snort(s)......-ted 
angry to ear 
like a cold retort As I meander 
slowly by
 Rarely..................I spy a glimpse of the sky
do I see 
a glimpse of sky 
Finally 
like a punch 
to the head
 The trail 
just died 
It stopped dead ( ) 
whilst I pondered 
my present condition
 An idea? 
A further proposition....................a new propositon The forest alive............as it may be 
it maybe
 but not aware................quite unaware 
of Lil Ol’ me Like a moth
to a lamp 
was I to never..............................return as the wings of my flight (became frizzled and burned)
 an thus.......................................were the end of my sight. 
will be paired
 like this forever … Like a moth to a lamp did the forest entice and I disappeared lost to the world.........NO the spirit you hear once a moth to the light is the wood-nymph who sings in the deep of the night....No Like a moth to a lamp the forest it claimed and a wood-nymph was born in human form....No as the moth to the lamp did I wander among trees................I liked there -here but there is a there at the end again below and if you look long you may still find me there (please.) Well I am having a bash wihout trying to change your words too much dear Seren, some wierd hints maybe but there it is. Love Ann of Norway Ps it may be a little muddled as the copy put the lines all 'hulter bulter' N.