Enslaved

This is another angry one with overtones of of Why the hell me? In answer to the question at the end, I can only say, To thine ownself be true for to compromise yourself is to compromise your belief. Fabulous write sir! Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Know thyself.... Be thyself . . . and those who know you will appreciate you but they are not gods they are Rett and me and those you have known and know you and those who will come to know you. Mark "some things change, some things don't"

Another fantastic write from the greek, letting out the anger. Amazing one...sounds like you're angry at humanity and someone who seems to be perturbing you. Just don't stay mad or it'll burn you alive. Just remember what you mean to people around and forget those who only want to bring you down. I love your last three lines. Fantastic imagery of jesters and kings. I really love it. Peace n Love Katie

Hey Paul. After reading this I am left to wonder just how many times have we all been left asking ourselves the same question and feeling the same way? There are those out there who seek to bring you down to bring themselves up. They aren't worth it. This is an awesome read. The imagery is spot on. Thanks for welcoming me so kindly. Yours Truly, Tami

You write very powerfully. The intentions seem quite clear. Of the dozen poems you have written this month (more than twice as much as all last year, I notice), the more recent poems are bound in bands of anger. You are a trustee of neopoet. I mentioned in another comment that I find this place, this neopoet, to be the best kind of thing the internet may aspire to. It is wonderful in concept and, to the extent possible, in design. Thank you for your part in making this bit of nothingness so clearly important to so many. I have a difficult time with your poems. As I said above, they are certainly powerful and clear. I guess there is an intended jaggedness to them which discomforts. It's not that I dislike discomfort in poems but I am picky about the kinds of discomfort I savour and the kinds that make me tentative or squeamish. There are kinds of discomfort that call for comforting, and sometimes one simply does not know whether comforting will be welcome or what exactly will be a comfort. And, of course, there are whole books of issues about male to male dynamics. Technically, you rely upon simple raw emotive imagery. There is very little tidying up of the meeting points between ideas or the of the words themselves, although I would say the following phrase is an exception: My pain speaks a voice that cripples Every single glimpse of a better day Overall, it comes across as a rant, which I take to be intended. I won't engage in any translations. But the content does make me remember the times when I was a sort of trustee. It has a loneliness to it, with few others understanding the level of time or commitment involved. Whenever one is engaged in complex but solitary endeavors an isolation permeates. The more ironic that the very task here, which can create such an isolation, is a hubbub of communication. I was overdue in writing. my warm regards, Brian

only 6 lines out of 22 don't contain I, me or my. That's what gives it a bit of a rantish, self-indulgent tone. As others have said, strong and clear but it feels like you are trying to draw your reader into your anger and pain rather than evoke emotions by empathy. Brians comments are very insightful, and I think it is that selfness about the poem that creates that discomfort. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.

...but, I think I'm with the elf on this one. I mean really, at the begining of said poem you're a slave that's either angry because you couldn't reason things out, you hated brick walls, could'nt be a "swinger", hated knowing secrets, or hated your own heavy heart. Then, in the middle of the "piece"...you're either outraged that your own emotions have sabotaged your chances towards "happiness"...or Judas had an evil hand in it. I must say, THAT was a tad bit confusing. Towards the end you mention "pain"...but you don't say what kind. It can't be emotional pain, because of that guy, Judas...so, finally you blame God. EEE-Gads and little fishes, Man !!! Try and get some "FOCUS"! This could've easily been 5 or 6 different poems, instead of 1 crazy rant. I truly am sorry if you're in pain, as I deal with it every day...I just try not to let it consume my ability to write. If it EVER shows up in my writing as my only creative inspiration.....then, PLEASE shoot me, dead ! At any rate...I gave you 1 star for the "spaces" between the lines. write on, #{:>{)}@==== docmaverick.