Seren

May 31, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Encaged Fantasy ... (renamed)

Half-light falling
upon a face
moonlight shows
it's beauty and grace

In spirit you'd come
to take my form
Leading me through
A gathering storm

As you moved ,
floating beside
I felt grateful
deep inside

Beholding such
A beautiful guide
emanating love
right by my side

Gawking around
Jaw on the floor
Beauty of wonder
never witnessed before

Butterflies glowed
with the love inside
drifting through valleys
A thousand feet wide

Flying above
soaring in flame
A phoenix circles
as if we were game

The trees alive
Talking free
God bless you all
I wish you could see

Choirs of flowers
singing along
Blades of grass swaying
in tune with their song

The birds in the trees
myriad of hues
Preening and prancing
as if on cue

Near the end of the valley
a man in white
moving slowly
into our sight

He radiates peace
with love and light
Guiding my way
through a falling night

Suddenly like
the end of a page
my dream had ceased
I was back in my cage ...

— Seren, May 31, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

Seren

17 years ago

Janice

Thank you so much hugz ... Flow thats what I was trying to achieve ... for your words thanks again they are all I needed to hear much love Jayne x

Spiffs

17 years ago

This was quite beautiful, extremely uplifting, but I also like the last part about returning to the cage. Just as in life, not all things are bliss. If things are too perfect they take on an air of false sweetness, so I think the last line ties everything up well!

Seren

17 years ago

Things in the real world are

Things in the real world are never as they seem though are they ? Glad you enjoyed this and thanks for the buddy add love Jayne :)

Seren

17 years ago

Thank you Julie !!

Yeah there is those two rough bits and I knew you or the professor would pick up on them ... Thanks for the suggestions they have been a huge help and it is a workshop I am here to learn and I always appreciate your reveiw's they are very helpful and have given me some great idea's .... The comment you left on she rocks with the hand of the ages one(now called temptress of time) ... well that was a awesome help i've edited it now and you can go back and read what you think ... let me know if you feel its still a bit rough .. thanks as always Much love Jayne x

Seren

17 years ago

(HUGS)

Thanks for coming back and rereading makes so much difference when I can get feedback after an edit , sometimes more so than the first critique ... much love Jayne x x

Candlewitch

17 years ago

Hi Jayne

This piece is beautifully written. Makes me wish for a guiding spirit for everyone. I found the ending just a little bit sad, but it doesn't detract from the lovliness of the poem. Always, Cat

Seren

17 years ago

Cat

(Hugz)... I am honored you like this Cat and blessed to meet you ... It was an actual dream ... Unfortunately I woke up lol ... Maybe one day I will get to see who the man in white is ? ... Thank you for the read and feedback much appreciated .... Love and Light Jayne x

bjp

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Jayne-Chloe,

I am glad that you continue to refine as you go. I reviewed the changes and like your choices. You are writing so much these days it is hard to keep up. But I like the spirit that imbues the pieces. It seems to brighten, which I take to be good. Affectionately, Brian

Seren

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Brian ,

I will stop writing when I run out of words , which wont be too soon I hope , I am experimenting and learning everyday , neopoet has been like a gift to me , I have said it a million times but im going to say it again , I never in my wildest dreams thought anyone would be interested by my poems (they arent stuff anymore LOL) ... many eons ago (it feels like) I called my poetry Stuff and they were just stuff till the people that commented and stuck with me through all the edits and total rewrites ... you have all been very patient , but I am eager to learn this craft and will one day (hopefully) be able to write a poem that someone will say STOP no more its perfect on a first write ... then I may call myself a poet till then I strive for a near perfection that I may never achieve but im having so much fun doing it who cares anymore I forgot to ages ago ... for me now , the beauty is in the creating ... as Always I am grateful for your comments ... Love Jayne x