Tink

May 30, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Perfect Lullaby

The perfect lullaby
~~~~~~~~~~

He laid sleeping on the bed
His chest rising and falling
In peaceful rhythm

The contour of his body
Under the covers
Was intriguing to me
His beauty made me
Proud that we belonged to each other

Love swelled inside
Want boiled over the edges

I crawled under the micro fleece sheets
To be beside him
His warmth drew me nearer

I took my place against his body
He sighed with content
And pulled me even closer to him

I laid my head upon his chest
And allowed the beating of his heart
To sing me off to join him in peaceful sleep.

Written 5/30/09 1:01pm

— Tink, May 30, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Pennsylvania, USA

Critiques

Geezer

17 years ago

Lullaby

Beautiful thoughts to ponder. I wonder how many of us that have read this poem,have just gone somewhere for about 30 seconds! Thanks!..Gee

Tink

17 years ago

Thanks Gee

I'm glad you enjoyed this one. I'm little proud of this one. I hope the place you visited for about 30 seconds was enjoyable!!! Thanks for the read and the vote! Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

Ink Dragon

17 years ago

Tink,

I second Julie. Please do expand, this looks promising. Yours, ~Nina

Candlewitch

16 years 11 months ago

Hi Tink!

Yes, please do give us more! Always, Cat p.s. I reread this piece and had to change my rating.

Tonya

16 years 12 months ago

My dear tink

as read this poem..i was in awe of its simplicity. I do not see where you have edited it. And personally, i hope you will not. It is easy, sweet, unobstructed as it is. For me, there lies the charm of this poem. Like some soft lullaby that needs no complications, just accepted as it is. Mearly this readers opinion. But the comfort and peace is there. I loved it. Always, Tonya

Tink

16 years 12 months ago

Thank you Tonya

Both for the read and understanding the undertone of this one. I wouldn't know how to edit this one and I (as well) don't believe it to be necessary. I would, however love to see how it could be done without cluttering it up and taking away its simple "charm" - as a learning experience. Thank you again. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

Tonya

16 years 12 months ago

that is the point..

lol, as poets and writers, sometimes we want and feel this inner need to make things complicated. Pure simplicity can be complicated enough with its inner sweet nuances of love and peace and imagination. This needs no chaos added. I would hate to see an attempt to change the flow. Be at peace with this one Deb. I am not saying some other brilliant mind could not take it and make it into something else.. but it would change you eloquence. damn... i think i have been reading too much again about soul searching and good vs evil.. is making me sound .... i don't know.. odd. lol Much love to you all.. and doesn't mean I don't respect all of your ideas. Always, Tonya

Tink

16 years 12 months ago

In response,

Julie, Nina, and Candle, Thank you for the read. I appreciate your comments, but truly don't know how to expand on this one, nor do I believe it is necessary. To me, to expand would take away it's simplicity. To me a lullaby does nothing more than simply bring comfort and possible sweet dreams to its receipiant. I would love to see your ideas of expansion. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

blistered-pen

16 years 12 months ago

...

I actually don't think you need to expand it. seeing as it's about a lullaby and it ends with you drifting off to sleep.. I don't think it can be, or needs to be expanded. I agree with you about the simplicity. although you COULD muck it up with what the dream would have been or the thoughts in your head before the actual falling asleep.. but I've found that falling asleep with someone you love is a lot more simple than falling asleep alone. I love your poem, but it kind of makes me sad. it's hard to find someone to really fall asleep with. well, for me. I don't sleep well. kudos, for keeping it simple. :)

Tink

16 years 12 months ago

Thank you Blistered.

I am glad you enjoyed this one. I don't sleep for long periods of time (usually in 4 hours each session) and it's harder for me to fall asleep when my husband isn't beside me. I treasure the comfort and senerity and even security that i have when he is beside me. Thanks for your support and the vote. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

weirdelf

16 years 12 months ago

There is something so special about

being in bed with a loved one, awake while they sleep. Don't know if it's different for a man to a woman but I just get a chance to submerge myself in her beauty while also feeling poignantly protective. Beautiflly written, no crit unless I missed a spelling mistake... but why mention micro sheets, seems a technical term, jars for me a bit. This is a superb poem. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.

Electric Blue

16 years 11 months ago

A perfect lullaby

Tink I watch you lay there in slumber curled around me contently holding me close that I can feel your heartbeat I feel your breath upon my neck as you nuzzles closer. The love inside us radiates in a melody of mystery You sing to me tenderly lovingly whilst you pull me closer forever This is the place I have been and want to be there again for all eternity Maybe miracles can happen again I hold this always and forever My love you know who you are So tender is the night lovingly I long for the touch of you. Like a child I watch my love sleep as you lay beside me you smile at me with shinning eyes Electric Blue Tink you stir such memories and dreams with this soul

Taniaspoetry

16 years 11 months ago

Love the simplicity, easy

Love the simplicity, easy rhyme and radiant charm of this poem Cheers Tania

Tink

16 years 11 months ago

thank tania

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite poems I have written. Thank you for the vote, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

poetic lillies

16 years 10 months ago

WHOA!!!

It was so romantic n vivid- all wrapped up into one! it was sooooo beautiful, i think u shud get it published or somethin cuz it was awsome! -Kai (a.k.a. poetic lillies)