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C
colourfulmary
May 30, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

invitation

I feel dizzy 
was I given a chance
or

another journey to the abyss

go with flow
go with flow
whether to go or stay

I would just as soon not 
leave in this moment to decide

I wish to fade away in between
the pressure  to take action 
and
excitement of the embrace 


This was your reply to my stare and silence
' Here again,  you are judging me with mistrust '

no that's not in my thought
I was only watching your
wide open pupils
and fine skull structure




— colourfulmary, May 30, 2009

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P

poewriter58

16 years 12 months ago

Poem alignment?

did you mean was I given another chance without extending this poem it is difficult to understand where you were going with this perhaps if you added to it to give it more clarity Chrys
C

colourfulmary

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Chrys

Thank you very much for your comment. ( and sorry for late reply ) I could not write more as I wasn't getting bigger picture of the situation in this poem. I was very much stuck. As you suggested, I have extended the work bit. Hope this made some improvement ... with my best and grin, Mary
P

poewriter58

16 years 10 months ago

Mary

Now the clarity is there. I see where this was going. I like the improvement and the fact that you have just left an opening for perhaps a follow up poem as a continuation of an encounter. Nicely done Chrys