A never ending story.

A never ending story. In the Garden of EdenA fresh pure maiden,sitting near somethinglooking at nothing.thinking of him,and wondering about HIM. and HIS Whim.Whim, which created. In the Garden of EdenA fresh pure maiden.Sitting on a bankto say thanksthinking of himhim the creation.Also of HIMHIM the creatorHow loving How exciting. In the Garden of EdenA fresh pure maiden.Sitting on high levelLooking at the marvelMarvel the man.Upright and calm.Walking tall,Never to fall. In the Garden of EdenA fresh pure maiden.Hovering around himand forgetting HIMworryingWill he always be there?In and out, everywhere.What will happen?If he is ever takenpromise brokenNo…She must make himher very ownno matter if they have to go downto make a new startnever to be apart. In the garden of EdenA fresh pure maiden.Sitting under a tree,tree of lifeshadow of strifefull of fruitsof bitter rootsOf temptationsnew sensationsHas to take sidesShe decides. In the garden of EdenFather of all menSitting on low groundHer around.Playing with a pebbleabout to rebelrememberingand forgettingwas it a command?Law of the land.Who is important?She or HIMhow confusing,She is insistingsomething in him moved,it proved,listen to the heartand let it startA never-ending storyOh, yesIn the end ….so sorry. By;-Rahbar.

About This Poem

About the Author

Country/Region: IND

Comments

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

I think I get the drift of your meaning

I think I get the drift of your meaning in this work. Telling the tale from Eves' perspective? Thinking that surely she is supposed to make sure that she stays happy? A little work can make this a really good poem. Come back to it in a few days or weeks and look at it with fresh eyes. Geezer.

rahbar

16 years 10 months ago

Thanks

Hello Geezer...thanks for your really thoughtful and supportive comment...you are right...I may work over it again in near future. Rahbar.

Mohammad Yamin Iraqi

16 years 3 months ago

A Never Ending Story

Rahbar, Your poem based on th Biblical story of Adam and Eve is excellent with vivid description. I like it. You know as much as I do that any creative work subjected to few looks after penning down focuses your attention to its weak areas and if not weak areas at least infusion of a more meaningful word or two. So, to my mind this is not an issue peculiar to this poem. I generally post my poems after giving a few looks after writing. I have seen that even Josh Malihabadi has reviewed one line or the other of several of his Rubai'yat after the same were published in a book. See the book Rubai'yat of Omer Khayyam of Edward Fitzgerald. You will find that in Second Edition of the book Edward has Edited several of his translations in such a way that they are no where near the original. I am sorry I have not been visiting Neopoet for quite sometime for health reasons and have not read any of your work other than this. Your writings are meaningful and I admire them. Here I quote a Quatrain from my book Rubai'yat of Josh Malihabadi - A Drop and the Ocean: My verses are attired in the robes of gold Mystries of rhythm my thoughts unfold Words take the shape of my charming beloved It's the grace of my voice lo and behold. -Mohammad "There will be peace when the power of love will be greater than the love of power"