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I
IKnowNoBox
May 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Mundane Escape

   a stray from Limbo
 found clothed in burlap scrapes
 bundled against notional breezes
 an excommunica' from the norms'
 
 how could such a presence
as this be spotted
amidst piles of discarded people
proud in ragged Sunday's best

disconnected from sensational
expectations
some would say jaded
but not cynical

such is the contentment
of an usher
once a ward
of Limbo's barren - swept
gray expanses

 where figures huddle
from artificial light
a beacon from
neon  alters
inviting all comers
to ecstatic revelry






 
 
— IKnowNoBox, May 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: East Coast, USA

Favorite Poets: Weird Elf, Shel Silverstein, The Poet Anonymous

More from this author

Critiques

B

bjp

17 years ago

Dear IKnowNoBox,

This is a striking poem. Terrific colour. Terrific courage, too. found clothed in burlap scrapes bundled against notional breezes an excommunica’ from the norms’ ... amidst piles of discarded people proud in ragged Sundays best Few would dare to write so well. The last three lines of the poem loose some clarity among the metaphors. I have read some of your previous work (I have been reading it for some time). You have good skills. Thus, I will risk what I hope is only slight offense and say that I think you deserve an end to this poem equal to the audacity and daring of the opening and middle. Congratulations, and Regards, Brian
I

IKnowNoBox

17 years ago

Thank you,

I will seek a "stretch" for it.. the last stanza doesn't taper well. Thank you Brian. Dabbler
B

barbsdad2003

17 years ago

I like Brian's ...

comment. My favorite here? The two words notional breezes, as in bundled against notional breezes. That ... and this line: amidst piles of discarded people So exquisitely powerful. Pure genius. Thanx, Chuck PS: I do think the title could use a bit of re-formation. It could add a lot.
I

IKnowNoBox

17 years ago

Thanks Chuck

this is an unofficial part of a series, perhaps I will be digging into the other parts to graft, and splice.. I had a spoken word poet read this for me, he felt the ending drop as well. It is so welcomed to get that Constructive Review again. In ink, Dabbler
V

VAMPIREBLONDE

17 years ago

How in the world did I miss

How in the world did I miss this...? Your writing so beautifull, so profound...so deep...you are far above notional breezes...
infinite_dwarf

infinite_dwarf

16 years 12 months ago

David

A couple suggestions: Sundays best -> Sunday's best Limbos barren -> Limbo's barren and a hyphen between 'barren' and 'swept' Otherwise, this is a very good write. It's nice to see you posting again - have missed your writing and presence. ~Jess K. ----------------------- "So I open my door to my enemies, and ask could we wipe the slate clean? But they tell me to please go fu** myself; you know you just can't win" - Pink Floyd
B

bjp

16 years 11 months ago

Dear Dabbler,

I think that the new last stanza is a good addition. Overall, I commend your boldness, command of language, and raw insights. Brian