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Fleur MacDonald
Fleur MacDonald
May 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

For You

 For the fun
of weather
and the fields 
to be picked.
For your time
alone, may
this remind
you of me.
For the Wombats
to be fed
and the chooks to be cleaned.
May only your
dreams come true. For
your dreams alone.
May I be there too...

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Country/Region: AUS

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Comments

A

Arrow

16 years 11 months ago

I can feel the loss.

I like how you've tied something temporary to things eternal, esp. in lines 1-4. For the most part, the lines breaks work well although I found a few a little too short and choppy (lines 5-8).
P

pint_a_stoli

16 years 11 months ago

RARELY, BUT EVERY SO OFTEN I

RARELY, BUT EVERY SO OFTEN I WILL HAVE THE GOOD FORTUNE OF COMING ACROSS A LINE THAT IS SO SENSATIONAL...SO PURELY CLIMACTIC , THAT BY ITS VERY NATURE CAN STAND ALONE WEATHERING THE TEST OF TIME FOR ALL ETERNITY. I AM NOT EVEN SO CERTAIN THAT THE LINES I SPEAK OF IN YOUR POEM WERE INTENTIONALLY DESIGNED TO DRAW SUCH AN IMPRESSION ON YOUR READER. (may only YOUR dreams come true. for your dreams ALONE. may I be there too) THIS IS SUCH A SELFLESS AND TRUELLY ENDEARING EXPRESSION OF LOVE. I PLAN TO MEMORIZE IT. WELL DONE PINT