The Big Mistake

The Big Mistake

She wonders where her journey ends
Pondering faces everywhere
She looks for love in lonely places
Wondering if her pain will cease

Smoldering in her desperate heart
She felt she had her one true love
Lingering in those after thoughts
Like a fleeting mist he’s gone

— Barbara Writes, May 24, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Billy Collins, Shakespeare, , Emily Dickinson, , , Whitman, Jess Tapper

Critiques

Barbara Writes

17 years ago

DOA

Thanks for the comment. I thinks it sounds good as is but I did make changes to see how it would sound. whats you thoughts. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Eduardo Cruz

17 years ago

Hey Barbara,

WOW!! That's a journey no one wants to take, but sadly enough most do jump on the train. It's a ride with few station, and hard to find where is your particular exit. I love it short a to the point, showing incredible Love and pain!! I Love these last two lines, they say so much of our human fragility. "Lingering like a fleeting mist Here today gone tomorrow" For me it worked just as it is!!! Thanks, Eddie

Barbara Writes

17 years ago

Eddie

Thanks Eddie I really appreciate the comment and the five stars. I made a few changes though I saved the original. It came in at 1 out of seven and now it rates 2 out of nine entries. On Helium.com. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

Janice Pearce

17 years ago

The Big Mistake

Barbara, Love this one, except the last line. Just a line so overused [my opinion only so take or leave it~] Nicely done! ______________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

Barbara Writes

17 years ago

Janice

You have a good point. I change the ending hope it resonates well with you. Thanks for the vote ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara

paparazii

17 years ago

Bab, good work

Firstly i would like u to know how great is the structure of your poem, it goes well to me from the first stanza to the last, although i didn't quite understand the very last one in which you said------Here today gone tomorrow. Love and light paparazii

Janice Pearce

16 years 12 months ago

The Big Mistake

Barbara, Sorry it took so long to get back to you. I like the ending a lot better. If I interpret this correctly. _____________________________________________________ Income-tax forms should be more realistic by allowing the taxpayer to list "Uncle Sam" as a dependent Anonymous

deelilah

16 years 11 months ago

Hello Barbara

I think there has been some rewrites since you first started this. As it stands today, it sounds just right. It always amazes me how universal poetry is. Do we all have the same experiences in some way or another? 'She wonders where her journey ends Pondering faces everywhere' To me this sounds like this person is waiting, if nothing else, just to lay eyes on him again. 'Lingering in those after thoughts Like a fleeting mist he’s gone' Not really thinking about the past too much anymore, but wishing for just one more moment. Yours, Deelilah Loved the poem.

Barbara Writes

16 years 11 months ago

Deeliah

I think people are the same everywhere though different. thanks for the comment. glad you. ~~~~~~~~~ Be whoever you are At all times, and Remember that Because of this, people will Always Respect, and Admire you ©2008Leonard Respectfully Yours, Barbara