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Seren
Seren
May 21, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Waiting for a ship to come In ....

                                   Hair caressing my face
                                   as if a lovers' touch
                                    glare jolting iris
                                  A lighthouse forever
                                  broadcasting the warning
                                      debris flying above
                                      vortex vibrant glory
                                    rubbish has its beauty
                                            Steady
                                  watching and waiting
                                            a galleon
                                         its cargo
                                            of great worth
                                  Westerly gale
                                           howling
                                    against a hunters moon
                                  behemoth of the ocean
                                  crashing against the shore
                                   ghost voices on the wind
                                        lost ships 
                                    living in the gale
                                     forever screaming
                                      rope be cast
                                          heave ho
                                           night after night
                                            waiting for a ship
                                             A westerly wind
                                              carrying fulfillment
                                                A precious cargo ....


                                                  A dream that
                                                   one day a ship
                                                    might just come in ....

— Seren, May 21, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Critiques

Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Hi Craig

thanks for the heads up on the typos .. much appreciated .. been a little under the weather this week sorry for the delay in answering .. glad you enjoyed it ! been writing these and not editing them much at the moment ...I'll get round to this one it has many mistakes I shall fix them shortly .. thanks fot taking the time to comment Love JayC x
professor

professor

17 years ago

Hi JayC

This feels rather like the "French Lieutenants Woman" and is a rather different style for you. Actually it pretty much achieves what you wanted it to and i could see you standing facing out to sea imploring something other than a shipwreck to come into the proverbial haven of your life. I felt the beginning might benefit from a few changes to help with both sense and flow. Anyway for what its worth this was what i came up with. On a technical note i felt the glare of the lighthouse would either contract the pupils or bleach the retina rather than affect the iris. Storm bleached hair caressing my face as by a lover's touch lighthouse glare contracting pupils broadcasting warning of flying debris in that vibrant vortex where even rubbish has beauty" The only other thing that i didn't like was the "heave ho" further down. Bit too Piratical for me. Perhaps "heaved too"...since it seems to be referring to your ship waiting on the shore for an ocean going one to land and deliver you good fortune. Hope this was of some help. Keith x
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Keith

Your going to laugh when I write this ... I have 3500 movies and I've never seen the French lieutenants woman so I dont know what you meen hun ... and Yeah the heave Ho was to motivate me not the men in the boats lol Your right about the heave ho sounds like crap ha ha ... wonders of being ill the shit we right lol .. This really isn't my normal write but I like the idea I just have to get it into a form I like , which , with all your suggestions I am sure I wont have any trouble .. thanks as always for reading my scribbles (hugz) Love Jayne x
professor

professor

17 years ago

Always a pleasure

to read your words and thoughts JayC. Im surprised you have not seen the film it is with Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons and is based on the novel by John Fowles....i think Harold Pinter wrote the screenplay. If you manage to find the film let me know what you think. Love Keith
Seren

Seren

17 years ago

Keith

Its always been on my to watch list but I just never seem to get round to it ... Though after your comment I have to watch it now , so I know what you meen .. method to that madness lol ... Much Love Jayne x x