The Venus Stare

I am haunted.My eyes seer images into the dark. My breath heavy; tight.My heart beats in fear of the horrors edging my Pandora’s Box. Eyes blinded...The burning light.The images still.The silence contours. ... A celestial beauty dawns the twilight.Your almond eyes smoulder My heart pounds, lightening the silence 2009/05/20 DA

— TheDarkOne, May 20, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Cape, South Africa, ZAF

Critiques

weirdelf

17 years ago

Weak

just another love lament. But well written. Have you got it in you to write poetry that is not self indulgent? Let's her it. Love laments is just boring. Done so many times. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.

TheDarkOne

17 years ago

Truth? I don’t know. My

Truth? I don't know. My writting stems from an uncontrollable emotion manifesting as the urge to put pen to paper. Seemingly the strongest emotions in is this which I cannot control, other genres stem from the same emotional source as this one. May manifest in rage, which I don't think I can compress into two or three lines. So the end result is the writtings I do. Beleive me I've tried other subject matter, but usually get as far as one verse. The drive for them is not the same, the intensity does not sizzle at the heart-strings until they are at breaking point. So perhaps I can not. Time will tell.

weirdelf

17 years ago

I was a bit harsh with my comment

reading your profile pretty much confirmed what I suspected- you don't read. I honestly suggest you would learn a lot, extend your range, and maybe even enjoy it if you read some poetry. Also try commenting on other people's works, it is amazing how much insight it will give you into your own and how they are received, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.

Hooded Stranger

16 years ago

Dark1

I really enjoyed this write, yes it has been done before, but I think most of us have covered subject matter that has been written before. This one has your unique stamp to it. Delivered intelligently and kept me interested throughout. Jess has his opinion and that is all it is, he was a little harsh, he did apologise gently afterwards. I respect Jess and enjoy his writes and I must agree with him in that reading others works will give you a wider understanding of poetry and give you a better insight into your own work. You can only write what really singes your heart, so keep writing if you enjoy it and check out other great writers here on Neo. The spotlight is not always a good indication of the better writes - but that is a discussion for another day. kindest regards, HS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth and yet nobody sees me".