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M

Functionality.

Improperly my body functions anxiously

But properly bodily functions such as breathing work perfectly

Immortally is what I seek eternally till the death of me

Pertaining thoughts to release air between my lips to speak

Incredibly the neurons within my brain actively connect

Passionately creating emotions for shame and humility

But in similarity thoughts can conjure happily

Exponentially expelling energy as all living beings

Immaculately life is forever changing rapidly

Superficially causing catastrophes so diligently

Rationally civilians not really free thinking

Religiously believing nearly anything authority tells them as actuality

Legitimately they be lying due to formalities

Harassingly forcing atrocities undeniably

Tragically human beings so mindlessly thinking

Democratically or socially it is in the hands of the hierarchy

Hieroglyphically written in past centuries making for past do legalities


— mdehe, May 18, 2009

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weirdelf

weirdelf

17 years ago

This is difficult to comment on.

Some great ideas and interesting expression, the repeated y rhyme feels a bit gimmicky. I honestly don't know what to suggest. The ideas seem to jump around a bit. So it doesn't achieve a coherent emotional or intellectual impact. I wish I could offer more but there is potential here. cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.