ONE FOREVER

You are doing great! For her (I might add a common after her, just to give the reader a pause) The one forever In my mind So much that I am This is the ego of mines (agree with Julie, mine) My magic will not work Magic is the true Time and time again I am back without a clue (I like this verse, is seems like a reflection that is making you question yourself. Good one!) Make her laugh Give love to her smile (lovely line!) Take one more step closer to her To see her float as your cloud (another lovely line! This verse makes me think of patience… just taking things slow) Use your charm (you are switching persons here. You have gone from speaking of yourself of someone else) Use my charm or I use my charm I own by the years of pain (i own the years of pain, or i am owned by the years of pain) Turned inside out To honor her with a clean slate (I like this verse.. good lines, Descriptive, imaginative.. well can we learn by past mistakes!) Erase who you are (again, keep in 1st person) Erase who I am Make her feel safe Finally I am left with (same as line one.. the poem is about you!) Only a question, what will it take So at the end of the day Am I left with more Joy or faith Can I give more Than my heart has gave (maybe already gave/given?) I like the poem Press.. I believe I see true progress. I think when we write, is a constant learning journey for us all. I believe it is fine to incorporate everyone else into a poem when you have started it out talking about yourself, when the subject is broad, but this one is seems specifically about you. It is personal, I also believe that’s okay, because it is a subject I think a lot of people can relate to. Nice poem Press! And again, good message about changing and striving To be better! Always, Tonya

And again she is correct. Spelling and tenses seem to be your biggest hump to get over press. You especially tend to get mixed up on tenses. plural or singular. You writing is showing a huge improvement lately which leads me to believe you are really putting forth a strong effort. That is very good. I am starting to get into what you have to say because it is making a lot more sense now. I am going to make a guess that you are most likely good in math. Most people that are good with math have poor language skills and the reverse is true. I am pretty decent in the use of language, but my math skills leave a lot to be desired. *L* Toss me the simplest algebraic problem and you might as well be trying to get me to read Mandarin Chinese. Keep it up. You are improving greatly sir! Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905