A View from the Top

Lol, i love it! I felt I was being romanced by this gorgeous view and then you thow that last couplet in and I'm smiling and laughing :) not sure about repeat of 'lovely' in 1st stanza but that's just me. Brilliant poem, serious and beautiful followed by glinty eyed fun/humour. Ooo Tonya I feel a bit like I got back from a good date lol :) great stuff, much love b x

Me too and u can not predict the next line I love that control [ Hey teach me don't feed me ] remember what I said about a true poet

I still haven't braved one... I've seen them turn out excellent and all the way down the scale... this one, is very good... yes... very nicely done! Richard

Awesome sonnet. I will not even attempt them. They are tough and my suggestions below may make it even more difficult, but paying attention to grammar it should be as follows. Of course, there is always poetic license that allows you to say, "Nay, enough, leave it to the Gods." *LOL* A few suggestions.... A top (Atop=one word) a lonely hill so highly placed I view the lovely vista from this plane A striking patchwork quilt in vale is laced Stretched out to corners wide in regale (regal=royal or magestic, regale= to tell or to convey a story etc...) reign Earth tones of quiet gray and muted green Divide and conquer, building evened grid (an even grid or evened grids) A pre-design of orchestrated scene With cunning depth unsightly blemish hid (an unsightly blemish hid or unsightly blemishes hid) Respectfully, Rett: "God made an idiot for practice, then he made a school board." Mark Twain For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

This definitely has an old time feel about it and i could here it recited on the stage of the Globe Theatre lol. Not sure about "a predesign" being used as a noun in the sense you have it here, and you could simply change it to "A pre-designed and orchestrated scene" (which also flows a little better i think). The last couplet feels strange starting suddenly with "Too" and i think it should be "inpection" rather than "inspections" since it refers to "notions". Perhaps the last couplet could be: "So too are notions of the way with men Surprised on close inspection; now and then." Best wishes Keith

You have a success here. Sometimes, it's only sonnets I am able to right. It's the first form I attempted for real. At one point the rigid structure kept me in line, so as not to wander, forget, rant, etc. etc. I still go back to it to bust a writer's block. It is free form I really have the trouble with. As to the iambic pentameter: I struggle with that a little. I have found that if I count the syllables, and it sounds right, usually it is right enough. I have mentioned before, I count the little devils (syllables) to put myself to sleep--and it works, too. The only problem is usually I can't remember the line of the poem I was counting. One of these days I might apply scansion to my meters, but right now this seems above and beyond the call of duty. I'm going to buy a book, "The Making of a Sonnet" and see what more I can learn. If you go back to some of my earlier posts, you will find a lot of sonnets. I especially like 'Eclectic Bag of Beliefs' and 'Broken Wing'. You have done very well on your first attempt. I love the visual. Some of my favorite images are of the land in its various patterns and color schemes. Also, your last two lines are really neat, taking your theme and applying it to men. I would love to see more. Yours, Deelilah

John Donne would be envious, truly a superb write and I applaude the way you are using Neopoet as a workshop. Reviewing your revisions I see you are taking the best and leaving the rest, there is always the danger of taking to much suggestion and losing your vision, cheers, Jess Forever unwrapping the eternal present.

lovely, Tonya, as always. your Proprietress

CONSIDERING THE TOPIC, ONE HAS TO WONDER, TONYA....WHAT OF THIS DETAILED EARTH IS TRUELLY BEAUTIFUL? I CLOSELY OBSERVED A LUSCIOUS PINE TREE ALONG SIDE MY DRIVE THE OTHER DAY, BUT UPON CLOSE INSPECTION IT WAS LAIDEN WITH INSECT CARCASSES, TORN AND STAINED COCOONS, AND WEATHERED BARK CHRISTENED WITH BIRD EXPENDATURES. NEEDLES STREWN AROUND ITS TRUNK W/ BARON BRANCHES AND A SUBTLE GROWTH OF FUNGUS FROM AN ASIAN BEETLE THAT WILL SOON DEVOUR THE SOFT WOOD. I MOST CERTAINLY AGREE WITH YOU THAT FROM A DISTANCE, BOTH LITERALLY AND METAPHORICALLY SPEAKING (CONCERNING LOVE, PERHAPS) ALL OF GOD'S GOOD EARTH IS BEAUTIFUL. BUT BESIDES THE POINT YOU ARE MAKING, THIS IS ACTUALLY A VERY WELL ARRANGED POEM. REALLY MADE ME THINK.. CONGRATS PINT

a beautiful poem we do our part in making our mark and nature takes back the beautiful ruins wood stone brick flooring rippling pianos melting the plants succulent climbing in shaded eave crumbling land tilled and barren reverts to trees the order forever changing Wonderful poem Tonya

Cant believe I missed this one ... Tonya you have left me speachless again (which you often do) .... WOW ... five from me to you :) Much regard love Jayne x