Cloudthings

May 07, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

You orphaned me (Proximity, the ambrosia of lovers)

I loved that sense of flying to you
Six hours, wheels rolling
Always forward
Felt so good, never any doubt
I knew where I was going
(what a shock to know that I was wrong)
Eucalypts my sentinels
The journey to you always forest fringed
I loved that too

I will never know this
Maybe never did
In your hollow heart
You made space, but closed the entrance
Taunted me through windows
Enticed me standing at the door
with lust filled tongue for licking honey, lavender and mango.

Standing in your town you let me close
Proximity, the ambrosia of lovers
I breathed you in, every second, and delighted
Your words slipped through and anchored me to you
The way your hands would do
When we were alone
I felt so sure of who we were
Of how connected
I felt so confident that there was no denying us
I felt no doubt not even when you told me
I should doubt

And here I am
my heart in the palm of a sweeter place
And still I write for you
And the loss

You burned me from the inside out
Left the brittle shell of what I thought we were
Maybe that will always haunt me
Dancing on my burnt out husk with words that blossom for other women
I thought you cared for me but I was wrong
And that’s ok, I know
It doesn’t hurt any more
But how I miss you
Terribly
A soft, slow, constant haunting presence
I try not to look in your direction,
But I bump into your moonlight glow sometimes
I try to graciously acknowledge only goodness
And you never bother sending any word
What should I expect?
If it didn’t come when it might have saved us
Why would you send it now?
What is love for you?
I am so sad – for both of us
I lost you
And you lost me
Any words you have for me now
Are so empty, so hollow they echo cavernously
In comparison to the rich embroidery of gorgeousness I sometimes see in you
The lovely words you sent down through the distance
“Intoxmeanni”
We are withered Autumn for each other
and yet we are so full of Spring for other things in life
Look at us
I will always be so sad you gave me up like that

I dislike myself for it… I feel like the child adopted into the perfect family
And all I do is long for the one who gave me up
You orphaned me in retaliation
For something I never did to you

— Cloudthings, May 07, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Australia, regional Victoria, AUS

Favorite Poets: So many... Rumi, Spike Milligan, Keats. Many of the Neopoet clan, past & present. A myriad of song writers, Dylan, Jackson Browne, Lior, & I must add the poetic influence of painters, sculptors & creators across the world... Life really, especially the sky.

Critiques

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

accoustic version of Lust by Raveonettes

weave the purpose sterling surface fractures in the vent of airs the summer cool dark of lairs cognent spoke of wheel turning like the horizon edge curving feel the thorn of brisk learning

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

These accolades we pour forth for you are valid we value you so

Dear O', you are so precious & shine so brightly with your wonder filled word weaving. So admired, is it like spirits for you? Do you swig it down to feel the hot fire warm you momentarilly & then when it fades you are left without? These accolades we pour forth for you are valid we value you so yet I fear it touches you briefly at best How do we tell you you mean much more than you see yourself right now? How do we reach you when you are in that place? This write should not touch you, it is a sadness I carry that becomes lighter with time, as it must. I know you also were adpoted, I'm sorry if that hit a nerve, it has nothing to do with you though, it should not pull you into darkness WE hold stars so bright for YOU, most of us here that know how brilliant you are. Don't go to tragedy dear O', ride the down wave until it flings you back to this lovely light we hold for you, just breathe slow & deep with images of goodness & wholesome feelings... I admit, I wish you would listen to less "dark" music, I fear it pulls you down. Hey, I puta few new songs of mine on my MySpace site... go listen & let me know what you think. I do hope you are feeling better xx~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

feel better

will go listen soon i dont know why i try to move off my medications the creativity is so divine the essence floods in like a ruptured hull and all the darkness awash in the plates of rivetted hull as I tilt Yet here I am alive and well resolved to follow the advice and start taking what i need to stablize thank you for listening Anni and a great poem too

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

I feel honoured to "listen" dear O' Am glad you are feeling bet

I feel honoured to "listen" dear O' Am glad you are feeling better. Yes take the advice, whatever gets you feeling better in real terms, not just quick fix stuff... You know it anyway. &... thank you for reading my friend xx~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

Baz

17 years 1 month ago

You orphaned me

First allow me to apologise for my lack of understanding of this style. I am, however, trying to learn and I try to read and to understand. But many things I fail to grasp e.g. In your poem you say "Eucalypts my sentinels", what exactly does that mean? An Eucalyptus is an Australian gum tree, (I know as I grow them), and a Sentinel is a sentry; guardian or a watch-keeper, so are you saying, "Gum tree my guards"? As far as I am able to tell there is no such word as Eucalypts in the English language! I do like the use of the following line,"Proximity, the ambrosia of lovers", as Ambrosia is the food of gods, so closeness is the food for lovers, its a good line!

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

almost all the way the roads were lined with Eucalypts

Hi Baz, I don't blame you, it's an unaccustomed style for me, I tend to write songs that have rhyme & structure, so I was exploring just going "blert" with this, perhaps not so successfully. A Eucalypt is indeed a type of tree common in Australia, & many of them together are commonly called Eucalypts. The long distances referred to took me through many forests & almost all the way the roads were lined with Eucalypts (perhaps the more precise grammar would be "Eucalyptus trees, but here it isn't uncommon to refer to them with the plural "s" alone), I loved them, they lined my journey like sentinels overseeing my safety & making me happy since I love them dearly. I like that particular line the most as well, it's probably more like the kind of poetic terminology I prefer, but I feel it's good to explore different forms sometimes, I am not worried if the result is, in the end, a "failure", it's all stuff to learn from in my book. Cheers~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

bjp

17 years 1 month ago

Dear Anni,

I for one, love it... as a start. This is exactly what I have been talking about. You name it the "blert". What a great name. You have the knack for writing. I saw it in your comments. And now this: Taunted me through windows Enticed me standing at the door with lust filled tongue for licking honey, lavender and mango. This is so good! I say "as a start", because poems need work. The "blert" gets out the initial ideas but then one needs to rewrite. I often do an initial rewrite then leave poems in a corner for months so that I can come back to them with a more antiseptic eye. Because, if we aspire, as poets, we want to be our best. Anyway, you have been through a hot fire. And you are doing wonderfully. Do you get the compliment yet? Because, as proof, I point out that some guy named Jonathon has decided to call me lots of names on account of my putting my neck out there for you. adieu, B

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

adjusting my perspective all the time here, that's what's good a

bjp, yes, & it is largely on account of you that I do push myself to explore this departure in style, though it isn't entirely new to me to write without rhyme... Sometimes I feel like it is cheating though & wonder if it isn't just like writing a letter... adjusting my perspective all the time here, that's what's good about it. hmmm I rarely take a second look at the things I write, especially if they are older than a week or so, it is good to be exposed to what others do, Neo is helping me realise that the pebbles need polishing for others to see their beauty. Thanks for the encouragement, the fire is now just ash & embers, (maybe a coal to singe me now & then) now thank goodness, it burnt awfully under my skin for a while. Yes, I get the compliment, your time & effort are appreciated, though I truly don't think Jonathon's aim was to call you names, & I have to say that I agreed with him. I DO apreciate you input, but I DO think we need to acknowledge our own comments as opinions, especially when a value judgement is concerned ie, whether rhyme is worthy or not. I will always LOVE the challenge of rhyme, & nothing you or anyone says will stop my delight in flowing with it. I don't feel it's cute (anything could be cute if you look at it that way) or cheap or in any way less worthy than non rhymed poetry, it is a different creature... Anyway I did answer to your response, saying as much, since I felt your comment was quite scathing of something that is merely another way to be. I hope you will not take offense at this as I took no offense at those things you said that seemed harsh, since I DO choose to believe you are being "devils advocate" on this, & meaning well. I appreciate this.~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

Arduinna

17 years 1 month ago

purely poetic...

the second stanza is awesome...im definitely feelin it!

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Arduinna, was an odd

Thanks Arduinna, was an odd write for me this. Must go read what you've been up to.~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

Nordic cloud

17 years 1 month ago

Sentinel

Oh Anni you have turned the phrases so well and hammered out a fine poem with its strongly felt story. I liked something that awoke a sound clang which is in fact nothing to do with the actual poem, it was sentinel, and I immediately heard the name of an upright standing flower in the heights of Corsica, Asphodel, and that added something to the original word that wasn't really there.The Asphodel like the Eucalypts weather the storms of life. Much of our appreciation of poetry stems from these seemingly incongruous associations, as we when reading them we add our own experiences and feelings to yours and make the poem whole, for ourselves to perceive. Just as a painting is subjective so it is with a poem. I did so enjoy you picture here dear Anni. Yours Ann of Norway

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

was worth it to get this comment. Love how these things spark el

Ah gorgeous Ann, you flatter me, it felt a little like i should have just written a letter here, but it was worth it to get this comment - Love how these things spark elements in another (each other) like that wonderful story of the Asphodel of Corsica, so much to learn always, & you are such a wealth of knowledge. Oh Ann, I couldn't agree more with you second para, perfectly expressed... yes, yes, yes & it's lovely, it's all we can do really & a good thing mostly, I think. Glad you enjoyed it xxx~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

faerybeki

17 years 1 month ago

Anni, a wonderful write my

Anni, a wonderful write my friend, so honest in it's delivery, gorgeous in it's imagery, powerful in it's emotion, the ghost of yesterday's loss visitng you in the arms of tomorrow, all the time trying to live in the present. Great stuff, you write as brilliantly as ever inspite of your illness, hope you're resting and feeling better, much love b xxx

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

yes, thats exactly it, Felt like it had to be outed despite my i

Hi Beki thank you, I am surprised this was so well received, I felt it was a slack blert & yes I was feeling dreadful (am finally recovering though it has really sapped my energy, I guess these once ever 5 or 10 yr lurgies serve to remind us well, how great it is to be so resilliant under normal circumstances!) Anyway I am so impressed with your wonderful summing up here "the ghost of yesterday’s loss visitng you in the arms of tomorrow, all the time trying to live in the present"... yes, yes, perfect, thats exactly the thing, it felt like it had to be outed despite how yuck I was feeling physically.~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran

Geezer

17 years 1 month ago

Blerts!

So sorry that you are feeling unwell, hope you return to good health soon! I think you did a fine job of purging. Now,on to better things! You have such a way with words. For me there are no sweeter words to hear than "Here I am,my heart in the palm of a sweeter place." It shows that you have indeed found a sweeter place for your heart. I too think of days gone by,and the places that I have been and the hurt that has arisen from the rejection of my love. However, I then realize that if I had not left those places,I would not be in the sweeter palm that holds me now. As you have. A great write, Anni. Gee.

Cloudthings

17 years 1 month ago

trick is to nurture as much of it in our present as we can,

Thanks Gee, hmm odd to purg, not sure I like it so much, we'll see, but yes "better things" came my way over the weekend & yes, sweet things are always a blessing to be able to lay in the palm of... sigh! And yes, again... I do believe, often loss in the past is so very often gain or gift in the present further down the track of our journey. In the end, there are always good & sweet things to find ahead, the trick is to nurture as much of it in our present as we can, I reckon... of course you know that. Cheers xx~ Anni ~~~ "Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving". ~Kahlil Gibran