On the Struggles of Being a New Nurse

I am, by design,

Just fine.

I lie,

I lie awake at night.

Flexing my muscles

they work! (after 13 hours of work)

They bend.

I lift.

I send

the tiny doubts away.

I flick the tiny ants as they lay.

(the cars as tiny as insects

fly by the 9th floor window

in the morning.)

I play (in a serious way

of course).

I spend the day running

between cubicles

drinking coffee

meeting deadlines.

Stop!

That's not my life!

It's more like flatlines

(more of a worry than clock time)

No, instead I spend my days

giving meds and taking your

vital signs.

Rewarding, sometimes

If things go right.

(but mistakes are often made)

And when I get home

your heart rate is quick

When I touch you

I suspect you love me.

Me?

Flee!

I say to myself-

I say
"Sha (pronounced Shay,

Get a life!)

Sing yourself some lullabies

and go to sleep

close your eyes

I wake

I think

I am

a woman

I bend

I sink into you

hold me up

to the sunlight

so I can see the moon

in the daylight.

So I can feel my own senses.

Touch, taste!

My own damn strength!

And take my own pulse

on impulse

to make sure the heart

still works much

better than the mind.

In the end,

I'll be just fine.