From the Distance

Like an inattentive scholar

The Afternoon reclines, docile,
Apathetic and neglectful
Of the predator quietly
Stalking in from the horizon
Gauging the resolve of the day
With bright and malicious intent.

Yet all around, the animals,
Filled with quiet apprehension,
Fall silent and pursue safety
Of crevices, boles, and tunnels
While the Afternoon becomes mute;
Its voice fled in desperation.

In a moment, swift and stunning,
The marauder annihilates
With a crash of wind and water
And bolts filled with zealous ruin,
Dancing gleeful in destruction
Before slipping off to pillage

Another unobservant day.

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This poem is written in unrhymed trochaic tetrameter with an introductory and closing statement intended to create a synopsis of the full body of the poem when read separately.

— Pugilist, Apr 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Jacksonville area, FL, USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Keats, Kipling, Carroll, Yeats, Tolkien, Shakespeare

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Critiques

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

Jon

Kind of like how animals always know when there's a bad storm, or some other disturbance coming along! I read and re-read this line in different tempos, but still couldn't quite get it right: "Of crevice and bole and tunnel" - I keep wanting to axe the 'and' between crevice and bole, and replace it with a comma. Might just be me, though. Nice work, as always. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "I wound her up, an' I shifted down, an' I offered this prayer to my Lord: Said, God, get me back home to Houston alive, an' I won't drive a truck anymore..." - Steve Earle

Jonathan Moore

17 years 1 month ago

Stylistic preferences

I admit a weakness for the multiple "and" practice in my work but I trust your ear and eye on this so I went back and modified it to be flow a bit easier. After all if I preach "write to your audience" I sure as hell best heed my own advice. I appreciate the review and comment Jess. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Jonathan...

There are few that can comment with any real experience in trochaic tetrameter, and I'm not one of them... but I can say that the poem is sound, in that it shows your vision of the storm taking the day... I enjoyed the beginning and ending sentences, had to think about them, which is a good thing to cause in a reader... but they definitely each create the synopsis intended. Richard

Jonathan Moore

17 years 1 month ago

Thanks Richard

I appreciate the read and comments. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)

sumsum22

17 years 1 month ago

nice

nice poem, but lots of structure here. i'm glad you're experience with trochaic tetrameter. rules are great, but sometimes wild experimentation can be fun too. Bryan Toes. I have them.

Jonathan Moore

17 years 1 month ago

Structure was the point

In this case, the exact point. I had something to say and wanted to see if I could do it smoothly by following a very strict set of rules. Could I follow these rules and still construct a piece that felt as if it might be part of a conversation? Could I nail myself to an artificial structure and lose none of the spontaneity? Could I take a simple emotion and setting and turn it into a picture of words using the rules someone else designed? This was wild experimentation and though it can be read as trochaic, (STRESSED, unstressed) an argument can be made that adhering to it exactly reduces the impact. Hell, I'd make that argument as I believe that all poetry should be recited in as conversational a tone as possible because poetry should feel natural and common and if there is a greater message then it should come through without an artificial tone. But you may be referring to free form poetry in general and I'd argue it is not more fun to write than any other type of poetry. Different poets have different comfort levels with different genres and styles and that is how it should be since if everyone wrote the same it would be a boring, boring world. As a poet, I write in many different forms, some more exact than others, and if I have a preference for classical ballads in a traditionally rhymed trochaic tetrameter, that's good for me but it does not mean I will forgo working in other forms and styles, just that I have a preference. We all have preferences, some align, some do not and, really, there is nothing wrong with that. --Jonathan Annoying the world, one person at a time (Group discounts available)