DawningDaytripper

Apr 28, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Murderess chills {Violence, some may find disturbing}

Murderess chills

Come on over here
sweet little
girl.
My such
bounce and
pretty curl.

Would you like
a piece of
candy?
There
everything is
fine and dandy.

Absolutely
nothing to
fear.
I only plan to
slit you from
ear to ear.

Yes please
Go ahead
fight.
There is not a
soul anywhere
in sight.

Sorry
there is
nowhere to run.
Let's go ahead
and have some
fun.

What might you
think you can do
now?
Besides squeal
like a silly
stuck sow.

I can smell your
rancid
fright.
Do you know your
life ends this
night.

See my cold
piercing
Steele.
Eight full
inch's for you to
feel.

Are you wondering
what I will do to
you?
I really can't say
until I'm
through.

One
two
three
four.
May be just a
couple more.

Five
six
seven
eight.
Brutal obsession
brings your fate.

I love the
taste of your
crimson blood.
As it spews
forth in a
flood.

A thick
pool of once
human life.
Put to an end
under my
knife.

Ripples
created by
her tears,
Reflecting her
death
now so clear.

Such a limp
scarlet
rag doll.
Not an
ounce of life
left at all.

The cutest
Jagged neck-tie
grinning up.
Such a sweet little
girl who ran out of
luck....

I will take her
bracelet as my
prize.
Then disappear
with anonymity as my
guise.

Julie

D.D.

4/28/2009

So you all asked for it.
Julie Unhinged and evil.
It took a lot to for me to go there,
hence why it took me so long.
As you all know I am a proud parent,
and this is the worst thing I could imagine happening to them.
In Rhyme of coarse.

— DawningDaytripper, Apr 28, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Robe valley, WA, USA

Favorite Poets: All of them, for differant reasons. Neopoet poets have influenced me the most over the last 2 plus years. Great teachers. Edgar Allen Poe, Dickens, way to many to list...

Critiques

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Damn...

Where did that come from???? My wife watches all the forensic shows on t.v., not the series, the real stuff... And there is quite a lot of monsters out there preying on people, especially little girls... it is very important to tell our children about talking to strangers, they have some convincing ploys, like, your mom sent me because she was in an accident... but I know you are telling yours all the right things... There were a couple of things I noticed in the write... My such bounce and pretty curl... stumbled me for the image... I thought... My such bouncy pretty curls. insight... in sight... here I think is what you wanted. scary stuff Julie... had to reach down to get there ehhh... Richard

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

Julie...

Yes, it is realistic, not corny and almost believable, but maybe the rhyming takes some strength from terror, it does sometimes but it works here. Bounce... I totally missed the image... I was thinking... instead of My such bounce and pretty curl... maybe something like... With your bouncy step and pretty curls... or not... I don't know... or did I still miss it? Richard

Tonya

17 years 1 month ago

makes me shiver...

i know, i know, i know there are disturbed people out there that do this or have done this. It just sends me over the edge (as most people) how people can do such brutal violent acts. Very black Julie. I have a hard time thinking about it, but, you did a pretty dang good job of giving us a peek into the "idea" of a very disturbed mind. I am sure the flow and sound depend on the reading, and i think most of it runs smoothly, maybe a couple of tiny rough spots. ' Then disappear with anonymity as my guise.' Not sure if it is the pronunciation of anonymity.. or just the long syllable count. The comment about 'stuck sow'... eh..i don't see the little girl that way, but then again, is the killers view.. never mind. lol, i guess that works. Well written! Always Sincere, Tonya

Tonya

17 years 1 month ago

lol,

Well, I KNEW she wasn't a sow.(I did get that metaphor) Maybe a piglet, but then that doesn't rhyme. I am also familar with the word anonymity (which has 5 syllables, which stretches your verse) You get very defensive sometimes when given opinions. They are not meaning to criticize, just giving you ideas. Don't insult their intelligence (perhaps you did not mean to, but i felt you just did mine). Sorry for offending you. Always sincere, Tonya

Tonya

17 years 1 month ago

no worries Julie,

I can understand rushing around. and like Geezer says, whatever works for you hun. All we can offer are ideas, is truly up to the author to know exactly what they are wanting to portray. All is well. I do appreciate responding. Perhaps i was hasty. Always Sincere (exactly, at least i try to be.) Tonya

Geezer

17 years 1 month ago

i knew you meant bounce....

I knew you meant bounce [saw her skipping] good word,anonymity.but thinking it may be a little long for the meter. whatever works for you though. maybe delete [with] before anonymity? you did good job with being evil. sure you had a hard time with it. respectfully yours, gee.

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

daylight full of darkness

"people dissappear every day" studying human nature growing up in the country reading books and televisions dark appettites and now the news focused on the modern worlds plight of the innocent and wronged this poem is right on track we do care today we do try to teach our new youth the ways of the shadow that flit amongst us disguised as strangers ordinary the school teacher the priest the fellow students (latter grades) we have monsters unfeeling no walls of moral parition here trying to pick up children on their way home Nancy Grace still is discussing Caley the wall at WalMart covered in colour photographs of children never found This is a great written poem and rhymne and evil of course much like the fairytales of my youth from old books or the real ones laying around on murderers and murderess's the poison handy we all walked the plank some of us and made it our scars the world is not a fairytale ask any cop They carry guns and have big dogs and motion sensors They know the risks! they know the world teach them well great poem Julie well written

deelilah

17 years 1 month ago

Hello Julie

If it's evil you wanted to display, you succeeded. It makes me shudder. All I can think about is the sweet little girl (in my picture, my granddaughter), and know how incredibly vulnerable she could be. Thank goodness, her mom is really good mom, and is almost always somewhere close by. I immediately got the bounce image just as you intended. On the anonymity question, I think it sounds good; it flows well when you read it out loud. Consider this: 'with anonymity as my guise' This might clear it up. It may be a visual problem others have encountered. Let me know what you think. In the mean time, I'm not too sure I want to see too much of Julie unhinged. Yours, Deelilah

Eternity Of Black

17 years 1 month ago

A very good peice. My

A very good peice. My favorite poem i have read on this site to date. You really suprised me with this one. Good job.

Rett

17 years 1 month ago

Julie, I have read and reread

for days, well since you posted, trying to formulate a response and couldn't. Still can't think of anything earth-shattering to say about it. I think it was well formulated, flowed pretty darn well and sent shivers up and down my spine. It worked, it was evil, spine tingling and in that sense was very well done. Perhaps I should let the evil Rett out sometime just to shock people. *G* Respectfully, Rett: Hug a logger, you'll never go back to trees! For the sake of children, read this. http://www.neopoet.com/node/19905

Hannah illiterate

17 years 1 month ago

geez

Wow, quite a different type for you. But still with the same spark, and intensity of your other work. Gotta say i dig the darkness.

Wafi

17 years 1 month ago

Hi Julie

A creative write from you, I will say a scary and cruel one. Quite discriptive. Sincerely, Wafi