A Turtle In Her Cell

There is this turtle that lives
In her shell, which is her
House and Home, just as fair.
Becoming her cell truly as well.

On this day she got sorely affraid,
And needed a cloak to hide her head.
So she tightened her head into the
Security of her shell. Never to plan
To stick her head out ever again.

Then came a second of lured dread.
She could not locate the terrible the
dread, she slowly let her head
Stick out for just a short moment.
She had a bout with the fear deep
Inside. She didn't know how to divide
The code of death verses life.

This little turtle has a very painful
Spirit, she tries to make it into
Animation. She wants to be able to
Free fall through life. She pokes her
Head out once again, realizing she
Will never leave the cell she calls
Home. The little turtle now knows
The box she is imprisoned, is all
She has. In which she now figures,
Will become her place, she will
Begin to faint and wither a way,
In the shell that is her cell she
Once called home.

Pixee

— Pixee, Apr 27, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Critiques

Pixee

17 years 1 month ago

Thank you

I appreciate you reading my poem. That stanza stumped me to after I read it a few times. But I left it in. After I posted it, I read it again. It made sense to me for some reason, that's why it's still in there. I may edit it, but I will leave it for now. I thank you for pointing that out to me. I thought it was just me on that stanza. You have a good eye!! Thank You Again. I get better with each critique of my poems that I post. Take Care of YOURSELF PLEASE!! With Love, Pixee

infinite_dwarf

17 years 1 month ago

poor turtle

I'd love to have my house on my back, but I can see how it can get to be annoying after a while. ~Jess K. ---------------------------------------------------- - "Atheism is a non-prophet organization" - George Carlin -"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things" - George Carlin

Pixee

17 years 1 month ago

Thank You infinite_Dwarf

I apprecitate you takeing the time to read my poem. I agree I would and then would not want my house on my back. It can be convenient, but a burded also. Thank you again for you time. Take Care of you! Friends, Pixee

orgami

17 years 1 month ago

celluloid home

read this again the colours defined now the frame captured amazing poem

Pixee

17 years 1 month ago

Thank you orgami

Your comments are always welcome. You have been writing longer than I have. I think I have improved since my first few poems, just a little. Thank you for taking time to read and respond. Your remarks help me impove a lot. I learn from one of the few masters on this site. Thank you again and take care. Your Friend, Pixee

Tink

17 years ago

PIxee,

This is a powerful poem when you read between the lines. It sucks when you can't even escape your own mind for a fleeting moment of freedom from all the stress, fears, and pains of life. You have written the subject well. Now if I can be honest about a few things I would like to see you do - There are some spelling errors, nothing big, but spell check will help with that. Also I'd like to see you arrange the structure a little better. When you stop a sentence/thought with a period, start a new line - it will make a difference to the reader to see your purpose better... if i may... "This little turtle has a very painful Spirit, she tries to make it into Animation. She wants to be able to Free fall through life. She pokes her Head out once again, realizing she Will never leave the cell she calls Home. The little turtle now knows The box she is imprisoned, is all She has. In which she now figures, Will become her place, she will Begin to faint and wither a way, In the shell that is her cell she Once called home. to me flows better like this... This little turtle has a very painful Spirit, she tries to make it into animation. She wants to be able to free fall through life. She pokes her head out once again, realizing she will never leave the cell she calls home. The little turtle now knows The box she is imprisoned in, is all she has. which she now figures, Will become her place, she will Begin to faint and wither a way in the shell that is her cell she once called home. Keep in mind this is only my opinion, you read both out loud and see how the flow feels to you as the creater of this wonderful, powerful piece. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink

Pixee

17 years ago

I understand

I see what you mean. I liked the flow of both, but I like the way you arranged yours. It made it make your heart sink. I wrote that from the very fathom of my heart. I let my father critique it cause he is a writer also. He said it almost brought tears to his eyes. He knew that it was about how I feel and there is nothing he can do to help me with my depression. I appreciate you taking the time to do all that. If you don't mind I would like to edit it the way you have it. Thank you! You are a wonderful motivater and caring person. Thank you again!! Pixee

Tink

17 years ago

pixee,

I would be honored, of course, but please do it the way it speaks to you best, you are its creator - and you have final say on how you portray your words and thoughts. i can only offer my opinion as i see it. i am glad i can help. Live, Laugh and Love (and don't forget to write) Tink