On Wishing To Be Different (Reluctanct to Change)

We go to bed more hopeful

Than we wake

and upon awaking

resume past made mistakes

Forgotten are the promises

to change made in dream

tinged prayers mumbled

in a wanton head.

Upon waking

(waking after the

pretense of awake)

We are the same

and we persist (as any life form)

in earnest

(or frivolously, if we choose)

Whether we are living

Our lives wrong-

with a guilty heart.

Or we are living

in the right (right as we see it)-

with no guilt for

our actions at all (self righteous to the end).

We persist in our actions

and hear our thoughts repeated

in a head already loud with anger

or shame

or too quiet for reproach at all.

But still the mind must think

seek, the better in us all.

and who do we seek inside-

Seek inside a willful mind?

A ghost,

a former self,

An image in a photograph,

An admired friend

or foe (come on, admit it)?

And we find ourselves daydreaming

an after image

to counter act before(s)-

like an elixir for a hangover,

a kiss on a child's scraped knee,

chocolate on a bad day,

an umbrella that a stranger lets

you duck under

in the rain

on a day like today.

(all after the fact).

A day when we are

imperfect, alone

waiting for a chance

to lie our head down

and rest

regardless of our present state

of person

and mind.