Take the train to Tipperary

Take the train to Tipperary,
take the bus to Ballina,
for the new's is really scary,
and i need to see me ma.

For i ain't been home in age's,
and a letter came today,
me mothers is unwell,
and i need to make me way,

Get me out of the chairs and tables,
don't buy me no more beer,
for i need to get a moving,
to see me mother dear,

For the doctor says she's ailing,
and the diagnosis is not grand,
so put away the cards,
i've no time for another hand,

Shine me boots, and wash me shirt,
and rinse out all the blood,
for if she finds out i've been fighting,
sure the shock will do no good.

I must wear me best appearance,
and shower, and have a shave,
and arrive in timely fashion,
for the outcome could be grave,

Got my money,and my ticket,
and i'm heading for the car,
i could be there in no time,
though the journey may be far,

With break neck speed i hurtle,
over rail and, road and bog,
but the train has engine problems,
 would be quicker if i jog.

At last i arrive at home,
can you imagine my deepest shock,
 there stood my old mother,  
wearing her best frock.

With the father standing beside her,
it seems i'm doomed a fate,
she trying to get me wed,
to single spinster Kate.

Ah the irony, the agony,
how could she seal my woe,
i had no other option,
it was time for me to go.

So with lighting speed i bolted,
heading for the door,
with my mother, and kate behind me,
and  my clothes scattered on the floor.

down the road, and to the train,
never looking around to see,
my mother and spinster kate,
running after me.

Catch the train from tipperary,
and the bus from Ballina,
for getting wed is scary,
and i need to stay away from me Ma.